This episode features a special guest, Nikki Eisenhauer from Emotional Badass, who joins me in discussing codependency and the ultimate fear of abandonment.  It takes people like Nikki to pave the way by opening up and sharing their story. Join us in this episode as we hear her journey through multiple toxic relationships to reconnecting with her own inner strength. If you have ever found yourself obsessively trying to please others or giving up so much of yourself, time, talents and resources out of fear of abandonment or being alone then her story is a ‘must listen to’.  You will be reminded that you deserve to experience loving and compassionate people like yourself.  Nikki Eisenhauer is truly an inspiration and I am so grateful for her to have joined me on this important topic.

People along the Dark Triad love to define others in a way that makes their inner world more tolerable. If you are in a toxic relationship with someone like this, you will be incorrectly defined, not as you are, but as they want to see you.  What happens when we begin to tune into their definitions of us instead of tuning into our truest, highest self?  This can set off an identity mindset that restricts your fullest potential. In this episode we look at the internal programming that results from an environment of constant, inconsistent consequences. Breaking down these rules can be difficult, but it is the programming that keeps you trapped.

Anyone that has been in a toxic relationship knows the feeling of searching for clues and answers to fix the relationship.  In this episode we explore the many tried tactics people in relationships with narcissists have used in attempts to change their relationship for the better.  We take a deeper look at the reasons their attempts have failed and how some are worse than others.  What behaviors do affect the narcissist, and are they really effective in the way we intend them to be?  Or are our attempts to change the relationship futile? Is it possible that trying to fix these relationships can actually make things worse?

Healthy boundaries are vital for our survival.  The intention of toxic people is to break down others’ boundaries in order to gain more for themselves.  By breaking down your boundaries, they are more able to control you and get what they need from you.  This episode takes a more in depth look at the mastermind behind toxic people's intention to blur and violate boundaries in ways that are often undetected.  We look at how they do this and the typical tactics used to distort, blur and violate boundaries.  Understanding the methods used, gives us more insight to why it is so hard to set boundaries after being submerged in toxic relationships.  And finally we learn fundamental skills of how to set appropriate boundaries in this episode

This episode focuses on the Fear of rejection, which also includes fear of abandonment, because of the way it impacts relationships.  The fear of rejection is based in a deep seeded need to be accepted or liked. Our ability to truly connect with others greatly depends on feeling safe and the ability to trust. Fear of rejection inhibits us from being our truest self.  The ultimate goal of emotional healing is returning to the truest, most authentic version of self. Learn what the signs and dangers are of the fear of rejection and techniques on how to overcome it.

This episode focuses on the inner programming that results after being with controlling and manipulative people. Many  abusive relationships follow the same patterns as brainwashing institutions such as cults.  In a toxic environment, our automatic thoughts adapt to the positive and negative experiences. We don’t even realize that they may become part of our internal dialogue and response system.  After a while we find that we are out of line with our truest and deepest selves including our own values, beliefs, opinions and memories.  Being out of line with our truest self results in a sense of instability, self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety, and depression.  Learning how we became conditioned by manipulators can be a big part of the healing process in piecing our lives back together.

Sometimes we stay in relationships much longer than we should because we believe, want to believe, or want to find out if the other person genuinely loves us.  Breaking a bond of authentic love can be one of the most difficult things we ever go through. But if the love is not authentic then the feeling may be one of being trapped.  When you know for sure whether the relationship is based on authentic love or if it is a transactional relationship you gain more power over your choices.  This episode details and provides examples of authentic love versus toxic love. so that you can make more informed choices about how to proceed in the relationship, and if you want to stay or leave.

Becoming the observer gives you the advantage of keen awareness and more emotional management.  Which means not getting sucked into irrational and pointless battles. It means becoming aware of yourself, your emotions, your responses, and how you interpret your experiences from a non-judgmental place.  It also allows you to observe others' reactions without emotional investment.

Sometimes it can be difficult to determine if you are in a toxic relationship, and ironically, especially when you’re in one.  There are many factors that contribute to a very powerful trauma-bond causing confusion, distortion of reality, and a lack of trust in  your own perceptions.  You might often have a strong desire to leave the relationship but get stuck wondering if you’re misreading the behaviors, or if the negative moments are just mistakes that can be mended, forgiven and put in the past only to find a repeated pattern of similar destructive behavior.  But it’s hard to tell how much of the dysfunction in the relationship is you  and how much of it is your partner. This episode provides 30 signs of toxic behaviors to help you identify where the toxicity resides in order to make more informed decisions.