Love Over Addiction

So here’s the deal…. for years I have been sending you letters and recording podcasts of encouragement and love (with some helpful tips) because I think of you all the time. Seriously. Every. Day.

And I have grown to love you. So, as your loving friend, I would like to give you a kind nudge and ask you this:

If you have not joined the programs...what are you waiting for?

Because I know you so well, I have an idea why you’re not joining me, but I won’t go into that right now. Instead, I will list some of the reasons you SHOULD join us:

1. If the one you love doesn’t get sober, you STILL need to recover.
2. If they do get sober, you could send them back into relapse if you don’t start your own program and learn how to deal with all the past yuck.
3. You have been so focused on trying to get them sober, you have forgotten about learning the tools to take care of yourself.
4. You need tools. This disease is not normal, so normal “techniques” that work in “typical” marriages don’t work.
5. If you’re thinking about leaving or staying, work your program first before you decide.

There are a dozen more reasons why joining our programs could be the BEST thing you’ve done for yourself.  So please... take the leap of faith and make yourself and your feelings important.

This is the place to find encouragement and love. This is where the healing begins

You can do this! I am right here beside you reminding you – even in the worst of times – you’re not alone. I know how you feel. Put your healing first by joining one of our programs and see how much different your life will be.

If you love someone who is struggling with addiction, you might be feeling alone and disappointed since this season is just not turning out the way you hoped it would. Too much alcohol has been consumed, angry words have been said or shoved deep down inside. Drugs, pills, or pornography have become a regular part of your life.

If this sounds like you... please lean in close because I need you to hear me. None of this is your fault. Your partner's anger, rejection, or denial? You don't deserve any of it.

You're a loving, caring, and thoughtful woman who's just trying to give her family the best life she knows how.

And it's almost impossible with addiction being the uninvited guest in your home.

Hang in there. This will pass. Take a deep breath. Grab your jacket and go for an evening walk. Look up at the stars and know there is someone in charge other than you.

Ignore him or her. Ignore all that comes with this disease for now. Love the ones who are loving you. Hold them close. Children, friends, or pets - just grab hold of them. And if you don't have any pets - go get one. There are thousands of animals alone in shelters who would welcome your love and give it right back ten times over.

And please consider joining me and some of the most loving and encouraging women in one of our three programs created just for women. This could be the best gift you give yourself. There's no better time than now to start working on your own healing.

If you love someone who is struggling with addiction, you might be feeling alone and disappointed since this season is just not turning out the way you hoped it would. Too much alcohol has been consumed, angry words have been said or shoved deep down inside. Drugs, pills, or pornography have become a regular part of your life.

If this sounds like you... please lean in close because I need you to hear me. None of this is your fault. Your partner's anger, rejection, or denial? You don’t deserve any of it.

You’re a loving, caring, and thoughtful woman who’s just trying to give her family the best life she knows how.

And it’s almost impossible with addiction being the uninvited guest in your home.

Hang in there. This will pass. Take a deep breath. Grab your jacket and go for an evening walk. Look up at the stars and know there is someone in charge other than you.

Ignore him or her. Ignore all that comes with this disease for now.  Love the ones who are loving you. Hold them close. Children, friends, or pets - just grab hold of them. And if you don’t have any pets - go get one.  There are thousands of animals alone in shelters who would welcome your love and give it right back ten times over.

And please consider joining me and some of the most loving and encouraging women in one of our three programs created just for women. This could be the best gift you give yourself.  There's no better time than now to start working on your own healing.

Did I ever tell you one of the reasons I decided to leave my husband was because of a basketball hoop we purchased for my kids' Christmas gift?

My six-year-old son really wanted to learn how to play basketball. And we had just enough space in our backyard to set up a real basketball hoop so he could safely practice. This hoop was not the plastic kind for little kids. This was the heavy, 10-foot, NBA kind.

On Christmas morning, my oldest son opened the big gift. But tears started rolling down his cheeks when he realized it had to be assembled.

I looked at my husband and waited to see if he would grab some tools and get started. Instead of assembling his son's new toy, he got in his car on Christmas day to meet his drug dealer.

My teenage brother came to the rescue and put together the basketball hoop in the cold, snowy weather for hours until his hands became numb and the sun went to sleep. All that work just to see my kids enjoy their gift.

That's the kind of love my children needed. But it was not the kind of love they had.

Their father was sick and kept choosing drugs over his family, but why did I have to choose to live with his decision?

He was leaving his family for days at a time to get high, but why didn't I take the kids and leave?

A few months later, I did leave. It was well-planned and it took a village. I would have stayed if he got sober.

Breaking up a family was never what I wanted. But then again, I didn't break up a family by leaving him.

Addiction broke up my family.

Driving down 1-75 in a big U-Haul to start a new life in Florida, I was scared, lonely, and broke. I was a single mom who had tried everything she could to not be single. But there I was with a belly full of anxiety and three babies, headed toward our next chapter.

There was a surprise I found while planning our new life... courage. It turns out, I was full of it. Addiction tried to convince me I was worthless and used up. But with each step I took to leave, I found some deeply buried courage that was waiting to be re-discovered.

Courage is a funny thing... it only appears when you really need it. It's not something you feel when you're brushing your teeth or reading a book or folding laundry. Courage lays low. It's stuffed deep between your joints and only shows up when necessary.

So if you're stuck and remaining comfortable in your pain because you're afraid or listening to the lies of addiction, you're never going to pull up that courage that's waiting for you.

Courage is begging to prove that you're capable of saying and doing that thing you've been wanting to do or say. You just need to put the plan in motion and follow through. You can count on your courage. It's always reliable and never-ending.

You're a survivor. You're an advocate and a defender. You were gifted by God with courage and that's why you're commanded to be strong and courageous. He wouldn't ask you to do something you're incapable of.

Your courage is waiting… are you going to use it?

Today is the day that you need to use some of your courage and join me and hundreds of other women just like you in one of our programs. Your recovery is just as important and necessary as the recovery of the one you love.

Did I ever tell you one of the reasons I decided to leave my husband was because of a basketball hoop we purchased for my kids' Christmas gift?  

My six-year-old son really wanted to learn how to play basketball. And we had just enough space in our backyard to set up a real basketball hoop so he could safely practice. This hoop was not the plastic kind for little kids. This was the heavy, 10-foot, NBA kind.

On Christmas morning, my oldest son opened the big gift. But tears started rolling down his cheeks when he realized it had to be assembled.

I looked at my husband and waited to see if he would grab some tools and get started. Instead of assembling his son’s new toy, he got in his car on Christmas day to meet his drug dealer.

My teenage brother came to the rescue and put together the basketball hoop in the cold, snowy weather for hours until his hands became numb and the sun went to sleep. All that work just to see my kids enjoy their gift.

That’s the kind of love my children needed. But it was not the kind of love they had.

Their father was sick and kept choosing drugs over his family, but why did I have to choose to live with his decision?

He was leaving his family for days at a time to get high, but why didn’t I take the kids and leave?

A few months later, I did leave.  It was well-planned and it took a village. I would have stayed if he got sober.  

Breaking up a family was never what I wanted.  But then again, I didn’t break up a family by leaving him.  

Addiction broke up my family.

Driving down 1-75 in a big U-Haul to start a new life in Florida, I was scared, lonely, and broke. I was a single mom who had tried everything she could to not be single. But there I was with a belly full of anxiety and three babies, headed toward our next chapter.

There was a surprise I found while planning our new life... courage. It turns out, I was full of it. Addiction tried to convince me I was worthless and used up. But with each step I took to leave, I found some deeply buried courage that was waiting to be re-discovered.

Courage is a funny thing... it only appears when you really need it. It’s not something you feel when you're brushing your teeth or reading a book or folding laundry. Courage lays low. It’s stuffed deep between your joints and only shows up when necessary.

So if you’re stuck and remaining comfortable in your pain because you’re afraid or listening to the lies of addiction, you’re never going to pull up that courage that’s waiting for you.  

Courage is begging to prove that you’re capable of saying and doing that thing you’ve been wanting to do or say. You just need to put the plan in motion and follow through. You can count on your courage. It’s always reliable and never-ending.

You’re a survivor. You’re an advocate and a defender. You were gifted by God with courage and that’s why you’re commanded to be strong and courageous. He wouldn’t ask you to do something you’re incapable of.

Your courage is waiting… are you going to use it?

Today is the day that you need to use some of your courage and join me and hundreds of other women just like you in one of our programs. Your recovery is just as important and necessary as the recovery of the one you love.

You love a good man or woman who drinks too much or suffers from addiction.

This disease is cunning and secretive. There are things you need to know that addiction will never share with you. They are important things that could change your life and the way you feel about yourself.

Here's a list of the top 4 things this manipulative disease does not what you to know (and I am happy to reveal): 1. It's not your fault.

His or her disease is the reason your family life feels like it's falling apart. It's not about you. You're lovely. You're a wonderful gift that is not being appreciated. Don't leave your self-worth in the hands of someone who is sick. The dysfunction that's going on under your roof has nothing to do with you.

2. It's not your job to get your partner better.

Stay in your own lane. Your efforts won't make a difference unless he or she wants them to. Spend your time and energy on something that gives you joy instead of wasting it thinking about how to help him. The more you try to help, the more you rob your loved one of the victory they will feel when they help themselves.

3. God will work in YOUR life when YOU'RE willing and open.

Ask and then look for the evidence. Are you going through your day in an anxious fog? Or are you paying attention to all the wonderful things going on around you? I promise there is a lot to be grateful for - even when your life feels out of control.

When you're willing to be transformed, God shows up. When you're open to change, He will change you (key word is you - not the one you love). All it takes is a grateful heart and to pay attention. Ask for change, be flexible, and go where the Spirit takes you. Change will happen.

4. He or she knows they're out of control.

Your loved one might deny they're sick for self-preservation reasons, but they know. But they just put on a really good act. You don't need to try and convince him or her. Again, this is a waste of time. You're just making them feel defensive. The more you try to get him or her to admit they have an issue, the more they will deny they have one. Let it go. You know and now you know your partner knows. There are bigger and more important things in your life that deserve your attention. Focus on them and let this go.

I hope you found this helpful. If you haven't joined us in one of our programs and you want to find answers, hope, and happiness, what are you waiting for? Click here to check out the details. Our programs are offered for just $25.00 a month (your happiness and future are worth the price of a case of beer, aren't they?)

You love a good man or woman who drinks too much or suffers from addiction.

This disease is cunning and secretive. There are things you need to know that addiction will never share with you. They are important things that could change your life and the way you feel about yourself.  

Here’s a list of the top 4 things this manipulative disease does not what you to know (and I am happy to reveal): 1. It’s not your fault.

His or her disease is the reason your family life feels like it’s falling apart. It’s not about you. You’re lovely. You’re a wonderful gift that is not being appreciated. Don’t leave your self-worth in the hands of someone who is sick. The dysfunction that’s going on under your roof has nothing to do with you.

2. It’s not your job to get your partner better.

Stay in your own lane. Your efforts won’t make a difference unless he or she wants them to. Spend your time and energy on something that gives you joy instead of wasting it thinking about how to help him. The more you try to help, the more you rob your loved one of the victory they will feel when they help themselves.  

3. God will work in YOUR life when YOU’RE willing and open.

Ask and then look for the evidence. Are you going through your day in an anxious fog? Or are you paying attention to all the wonderful things going on around you? I promise there is a lot to be grateful for - even when your life feels out of control.

When you’re willing to be transformed, God shows up. When you’re open to change, He will change you (key word is you - not the one you love). All it takes is a grateful heart and to pay attention. Ask for change, be flexible, and go where the Spirit takes you. Change will happen.  

4. He or she knows they're out of control.

Your loved one might deny they're sick for self-preservation reasons, but they know. But they just put on a really good act. You don’t need to try and convince him or her. Again, this is a waste of time.  You’re just making them feel defensive. The more you try to get him or her to admit they have an issue, the more they will deny they have one. Let it go. You know and now you know your partner knows. There are bigger and more important things in your life that deserve your attention. Focus on them and let this go.

I hope you found this helpful. If you haven’t joined us in one of our programs and you want to find answers, hope, and happiness, what are you waiting for?  Click here to check out the details.  Our programs are offered for just $25.00 a month (your happiness and future are worth the price of a case of beer, aren't they?)

Are you more comfortable putting yourself down than being kind to yourself?

How do you react when someone compliments you? Do you take a moment to breathe it in, or are you quick to reject?

When you've done something good you need to do two things:

Recognize it. Sit with it. Dwell in it with a sense of accomplishment and achievement.

It doesn't need to be some super large accomplishment. It could be as simple as loading and unloading the dishes.

Celebrate all the little daily accomplishments. They are just as important to recognize as the big tasks you've achieved.

Recognizing your small victories allows feelings of joy into your heart.

These little moments of happiness grow your confidence.

Get in the habit of noticing all the things you are doing well rather than the things you're not.

Did you drive yourself safely to work today? That's good - you were a safe driver. Take a moment to celebrate that!

Did you get the kids to school on time today? Perfect - you're considerate of their teachers' time and you are organized today. Celebrate that!

Don't let yourself think, "Well, I got the kids to school today, but they were wearing dirty clothes because I didn't have time to do the laundry."

No. Don't rip yourself off of something you did well because you're more comfortable putting yourself down than seeing yourself as a woman who raises up.

In the Love Over Addiction program, we change that negative pattern and replace it with love and care for yourself.

The second way to feel better is this:

Feel gratitude. It's always important to thank God for helping you. You didn't get to work safely by chance. You got there because you were paying attention to the road and God covered you in His safety.

You were able to dress your children for school because he gave you the financial resources to purchase their clothing.

Otherwise, they would be going to school in dirty old rags (and some kids do just that).

It's always important to say thank you to God for our big and small victories. He is always a big part of our accomplishments.

When you accomplish something - feeding your family a healthy meal, being kind and smiling to a stranger, or bringing someone a meal - God is so proud of you.

Are you taking in the approval that is being offered to you?

It's ok to give yourself the approval you're looking for.

It's ok to offer yourself the same kindness you offer others.

And just sit with that feeling of self-love.

When you do this, God's love and your love for self will become so much more powerful than anyone else's love for you.

You won't seek other people's approval because you will no longer need it.

If you're ready to make your healing as important as your partner's sobriety – we are waiting for you. Our programs are online, confidential, and you have lifetime access – so you can do them at your own pace.

Are you more comfortable putting yourself down than being kind to yourself?

How do you react when someone compliments you? Do you take a moment to breathe it in, or are you quick to reject?

When you’ve done something good you need to do two things:

Recognize it. Sit with it. Dwell in it with a sense of accomplishment and achievement.

It doesn't need to be some super large accomplishment. It could be as simple as loading and unloading the dishes.

Celebrate all the little daily accomplishments. They are just as important to recognize as the big tasks you’ve achieved.

Recognizing your small victories allows feelings of joy into your heart.

These little moments of happiness grow your confidence.

Get in the habit of noticing all the things you are doing well rather than the things you're not.

Did you drive yourself safely to work today? That's good - you were a safe driver. Take a moment to celebrate that!

Did you get the kids to school on time today? Perfect - you're considerate of their teachers’ time and you are organized today. Celebrate that!

Don't let yourself think, "Well, I got the kids to school today, but they were wearing dirty clothes because I didn't have time to do the laundry."

No. Don’t rip yourself off of something you did well because you're more comfortable putting yourself down than seeing yourself as a woman who raises up.

In the Love Over Addiction program, we change that negative pattern and replace it with love and care for yourself.

The second way to feel better is this:

Feel gratitude. It's always important to thank God for helping you. You didn't get to work safely by chance. You got there because you were paying attention to the road and God covered you in His safety.

You were able to dress your children for school because he gave you the financial resources to purchase their clothing.

Otherwise, they would be going to school in dirty old rags (and some kids do just that).

It's always important to say thank you to God for our big and small victories. He is always a big part of our accomplishments.

When you accomplish something - feeding your family a healthy meal, being kind and smiling to a stranger, or bringing someone a meal - God is so proud of you.

Are you taking in the approval that is being offered to you?

It's ok to give yourself the approval you’re looking for.

It's ok to offer yourself the same kindness you offer others.

And just sit with that feeling of self-love.

When you do this, God’s love and your love for self will become so much more powerful than anyone else’s love for you.

You won't seek other people's approval because you will no longer need it.

If you’re ready to make your healing as important as your partner’s sobriety – we are waiting for you. Our programs are online, confidential, and you have lifetime access – so you can do them at your own pace.

Do you feel beaten down? Like you don't recognize yourself anymore while loving someone who drinks too much or suffers from addiction? This disease does a really good job trying to convince us that we are helpless.

But that's a lie. There are many things you can do to help your relationship and give him a better chance of sobriety

One of the best ways to help is by learning the most common mistakes you might be making when loving an alcoholic or substance abuser.

Click here for a free training video where I walk you through each one of these steps. You don't want to miss it (and you will love the helpful - and beautiful - slides in the video). Plus, it's under five minutes - because I know you're busy.

Here are seven mistakes you may be making:

1. Keeping track of your loved one's drinking. If you tell him or her not to drink in the house, they will just find another place to drink. If you throw away the liquor, they will just spend more money replacing it. You have no control over anything your partner chooses to put into his body.

2. Lecturing your partner. No matter how much you threaten, it won't change their behavior. Set boundaries and give consequences for his or her behavior with your actions, not with words.

3. Speaking negatively about your loved one to your children. This is a major no-no. Your children need to feel safe. They deserve to form their own opinion about their parent, not inherit yours.

4. Researching recovery information. This is not your job. Your partner's sobriety will never last if the idea is coming from you. Don't drive him or her to meetings, purchase books, or set up appointments for them.

5. Placing your life on hold to focus on your loved one's issues. Don't. Your dreams are important. Focus on your purpose, not theirs.

6. Believing the hurtful lies. You are smart. You are valuable. You are beautiful and kind. Anyone that tells you anything else is not someone you need to be listening to.

7. Not forgiving yourself for staying with your partner. You know he or she can be awful, but you are smart enough to know they are sick. You love them, so you are choosing to stay. You reserve the right to change your mind tomorrow.

So, my sweet reader - what mistake do you struggle with? Or are you like me and make them all?

If you're ready to make your healing as important as your partner's sobriety – we are waiting for you. Our programs are online, confidential, and you have lifetime access – so you can do them at your own pace.