No Visible Bruises

Do narcissists deliberately try to hurt you? What is their driving force?

Even when they say or do horrible things to us, the narcissist’s intention is purely about themselves. What they pursue is the narcissistic drug of choice, what we call the narcissistic supply. That is the only thing they are after.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Narcissistic abuse happens TO you. It doesn’t happen BECAUSE of you.

- Why your pain is just the byproduct of the narcissist’s behavior

- Where the narcissist’s need for mistreating you really comes from

- Narcissistic aggression and manipulation as the expression of their younger, wounded part

- How to recognise when the narcissist is pretending to behave in a certain way to achieve what they want

When narcissists hurt us, they want to heal their wounds at our expense. It has nothing to do with our integrity or our values. So remember that it is YOU who is holding the power to heal, and change the perception of your own childhood experiences.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

In this week’s episode, I want to talk about what exactly a narcissist is, and what tool is used to identify narcissistic personality disorder. We tend to wrongly label narcissists as those who take lots of selfies or those who are rude to us, and by doing that, we are not helping the real victims of narcissistic abuse.    What You Will Learn In This Episode:   •The difference between being a narcissist and being obnoxious •How being a victim of Narcissistic Personality Disorder affected me •Are narcissistic personalities born or created? •The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) nine traits to detect Narcissistic Personality Disorder •The importance of educating the society regarding NPD and helping its victims   If someone you know ticks the boxes of at least five of the nine traits described by the DSM, the person has NPD. This method might help you get some reassurance of what you are dealing with and that it is not your fault.

Resources:

• Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 
• Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Today I want to share with you the five key phrases that are great to disarm the narcissist. These phrases really helped me and my clients to understand that the power is within us to heal from narcissistic abuse.

Five Key Phrases to Disarm the Narcissist:

1. I'm so sorry you feel like that.
2. I can accept your faulty perception of me.
3. I have no right to control how you see me.
4. I accept that this is how you feel.
5. Your anger is not my responsibility.

Keep me posted if you're using any of these five phrases to disarm the narcissist. I would love to hear what their expressions were like, what they said back to you. Even if you don't feel these right now, remember that it's all about dis-confirming those experiences, but we have to start somewhere. So give these phrases a try.

Resources:

• Join my Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

In this episode, I want to talk about the different parts of you, that may be stopping you from healing from narcissistic abuse.

In working with my clients, I use an evidence based parts therapy called Internal Family Systems, and I’m going to explain what it is and how it can help you heal.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

• Internal Family Systems and the concept of True Self
• Two main types of Protector parts - Manager and Firefighter
• How physical conditions can play their parts
• How we can change the roles of the parts to start healing from narcissistic abuse
• How you can create a map of your parts to become aware of them
• What is reconsolidation of memory

Working with parts as I explained them here can help you update that younger part of you, so the roles of the Protector parts won't need to be so reactive, proactive or destructive, and you can start healing from narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

• Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

• Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

In this episode, I want to talk about the different parts of you, that may be stopping you from healing from narcissistic abuse.

In working with my clients, I use an evidence based parts therapy called Internal Family Systems, and I’m going to explain what it is and how it can help you heal.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

• Internal Family Systems and the concept of True Self
• Two main types of Protector parts - Manager and Firefighter
• How physical conditions can play their parts
• How we can change the roles of the parts to start healing from narcissistic abuse
• How you can create a map of your parts to become aware of them
• What is reconsolidation of memory

Working with parts as I explained them here can help you update that younger part of you, so the roles of the Protector parts won't need to be so reactive, proactive or destructive, and you can start healing from narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

• Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

• Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

We rarely talk about the illness and disease that come from being in a narcissistic relationship. Today I want to talk about the physical effects of the trauma of narcissistic abuse, about why that might happen, and I want to potentially give you some hope.

What you will learn in this episode:

• How our bodies respond to stress.
• Why our bodies remain in constant trauma when being in a relationship with a narcissistic.
• The different areas of our brains and how they work in triggering situations.
• The burdens and beliefs we carry that makes us a magnet to narcissistic people.
• How talking therapy and brain body based therapy can help you.

A lot of the physical conditions that you have might be your body’s response to stress and trauma. I want you to get to know your body, your history, your timeline of events, and see if there's actually a root cause to whatever physical stress related illness you have.

Resources:

• Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

We rarely talk about the illness and disease that come from being in a narcissistic relationship. Today I want to talk about the physical effects of the trauma of narcissistic abuse, about why that might happen, and I want to potentially give you some hope.

What you will learn in this episode:

• How our bodies respond to stress.
• Why our bodies remain in constant trauma when being in a relationship with a narcissistic.
• The different areas of our brains and how they work in triggering situations.
• The burdens and beliefs we carry that makes us a magnet to narcissistic people.
• How talking therapy and brain body based therapy can help you.

A lot of the physical conditions that you have might be your body’s response to stress and trauma. I want you to get to know your body, your history, your timeline of events, and see if there's actually a root cause to whatever physical stress related illness you have.

Resources:

• Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

Many times people are saying to me ‘Caroline, I just struggle getting out of bed in the morning, and I know I should be doing x, y, and z but I just haven't got any energy, and I feel weak and ashamed.’ In this episode, I want to help you try and lift some of that guilt and shame off yourself.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

• How our body and our nervous system works
• The Polyvagal Theory and the ladder analogy
• The roles of the ventral vagus and dorsal vagus
• Freeze trauma response and the root of your overwhelming fatigue
• How limbic system therapies like Brainspotting or EMDR can help you

So if you're feeling tired all the time, really take a look. Is that a trauma response? Because if you're healing from narcissistic abuse, know that it's not you being lazy or weak. It's just your normal natural nervous system response, it’s your body trying to protect you.

Resources:

• Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 
• The Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Neurophysiological-Communication-Self-regulation/dp/0393707008/ 
• The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb A. Dana https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Therapy-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/0393712370/

Many times people are saying to me ‘Caroline, I just struggle getting out of bed in the morning, and I know I should be doing x, y, and z but I just haven't got any energy, and I feel weak and ashamed.’ In this episode, I want to help you try and lift some of that guilt and shame off yourself.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

• How our body and our nervous system works
• The Polyvagal Theory and the ladder analogy
• The roles of the ventral vagus and dorsal vagus
• Freeze trauma response and the root of your overwhelming fatigue
• How limbic system therapies like Brainspotting or EMDR can help you

So if you're feeling tired all the time, really take a look. Is that a trauma response? Because if you're healing from narcissistic abuse, know that it's not you being lazy or weak. It's just your normal natural nervous system response, it’s your body trying to protect you.

Resources:

• Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 
• The Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Neurophysiological-Communication-Self-regulation/dp/0393707008/ 
• The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb A. Dana https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Therapy-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/0393712370/

In this episode, I want to talk to you about the 4 trauma responses when we talk about narcissistic abuse. Many of you have heard about fight, flight and freeze, but there's also a fourth one that’s lesser known - fawn or appease. So let’s go through each of these four, and see if you can resonate with any of them.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

• What happens in our brain when we perceive danger
• What is fight response and what is behind the anger you feel
• Flight response and how it connects with anxiety
• Freeze response, depression and survival mode
• Fawn or Appease response and why it is typical for narcissistic abuse

Can you recognize those trauma responses in your behavior? Which ones were you in the most? Were you like me? Let me know!

Resources:

• 001 Why Narcissistic Abuse is Trauma https://www.carolinestrawson.com/001-why-narcissistic-abuse-is-trauma/
• Join my Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse