This is for anyone who obsesses about the thoughts and feelings of others, clinging, feeling anxious and being unable to be yourself. This is targeted at those who are in bad relationship loops but it will also help if this is something that comes up in familial relationships. I thought it was a good refresher for the holidays because a lot of stuff comes up this time of year.
 
This habit has a lot to do with codependency and relationship reliance because it’s a need to get validation from another person – to hear specific words from them that you are not hearing. It’s also something that comes about when we have a habit of controlling others, often due to fear and uncertainty during childhood. Regardless what we can do to help ourselves is recognize this is happening and come back into ourselves.
 
That is the key: working on us for us, holding our own hand as we move through the pain. So here are some tools to come back to yourself and ground so you can come back to reality.
 
For more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo
 
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Happy Holidays friends!
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Ep 187: Stepping Back: How to come back to yourself when fixated on the feelings of others

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/author/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share on this show is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com

Health & Fitness

This episode marks 10 years of Help Me Be Me! This is about knowing thyself and feeling grounded and resourced in that self. Being guided by and making decisions from your values, not your weaknesses.
 
It’s all about “coming home to yourself” as a means to feel grounded: what that means to me, plus tools for that in the face of social pressures and relationships. In moments when you feel hurt, unpopular, clingy or less-than, come back home to a wisdom of self: what do YOU hold to be sacred, cool and interesting? What do you hold to be important in terms of values? Resuming this core relieves us in moments we feel a need to please others or we are changing ourselves out of fear.
 
I feel the greatest gift you can give yourself is a friendship and bond with yourself. If you’re not there yet, take heart. Sometimes we need some processing of past conflicts for all of us to arrive at action. If something isn’t happening for you, there might be a part of you that has yet to fully arrive.

It’s apt that this episode marks 10 years of podcasting for me. 222 is a sacred number and I invite you to check out Taz Grout’s 222 Foundation, linked below. Thank you all for growing alongside me in this journey! For those who have been listening for that long, what I hope you take away from these episodes is an expansion of self-knowledge and self-compassion.
 

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And in honor of 222, if you want to make a donation to Pam Grout’s amazing daughter’s foundation to further the consciousness of the world, you can head here:
Taz Grout’s 222 Foundation
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Ep 222: Befriending Yourself + Grounding Confidence

We all grow, mature and become different people, however sometimes we cannot see that change or those around us cannot see it. This is about redefining yourself to yourself. Allowing room to witness yourself, anew. Especially in the face of people who treat us based off an old identity. This episode has exercises to help you see where you are headed and mark the change you’ve made over the past year. It’s also for examining your actions as a means to map out your internal allegiances. Often we cannot see how we truly feel because we get lost in the day-to-day content of powerful or repetitive emotions. The goal for me coming out of this episode is for you to feel as if you were given a new awareness of yourself. One that is positive, clear, and empowered. And that you can see the conscious change you have made in your life.
 
If you want to know who you are, just look at your physical actions. They are a map to our truth: what we believe, what we are working on, and also how we feel about ourselves. They tell us who we are more than our words, so if you want to learn something new, tune into what has changed. And take heart–change is change! No matter how incremental.
 
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This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/helpmebeme and get on your way to being your best self. Find your social sweet spot, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/helpmebeme today to get 10% off your first month.
 
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Ep 221: Redefining Yourself - Shedding Older Selves

Think of this episode as a memory to be conjured. A memory of the truth of yourself: your power and goodness, and that you feel more present on the ride that is your life. It’s easy to live out a perspective fixated on what you haven’t done right or what is just out of reach. To reduce life to transactions versus a felt sense of magic.
This episode is kind of “hippy” in that it’s got some guided imageries. Reason being, a lot of us don’t see the greatness in ourselves unless we are given a powerful mirror. Someone who has witnessed the path we have walked and all that we have grown to become. Often it takes an experience with this kind of person or getting outside of our bubble, to jog this deeper memory of self. A compliment from the right person has the power to inspire us and move us. Through these glimpses, we see a different truth and a more positive version of the world. I wanted to try some visualizations with you today that tap into that knowing, deliberately.
Unless we curate a deeper perspective of ourselves and humanity, we can miss it for years at a time. We get conditioned into reaching toward stuff, or we get stuck in a powerful current of work that leaves us in an energy saving mode. My goal is that you tune into a sense of fullness with this episode and a deeper connection to the person you have become.
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Ep 220: Remembering Yourself – Trust + Positivity Exercises

This is about having a loving mindset as we move through our life. What does that mean? It means feeling complete and having an inner sense of safety. From here we do not feel lack when we interact with others. Nothing is “at us” and even when someone does mean us harm, it does not land. This is the energetic state where we can be the most effective, creative, wise. So really the question becomes – how do we deliberately CURATE this state in our lives? I have some tuning exercises for this in particular as well as some reflection exercises.
When we can embody love and kindness, we can light up the world, we can create limitlessly, we can see all potential.
In this episode, I’m going to be talking about these two things that seem in opposition: coming from an energy of wholeness and fullness–tuning yourself to that. And then also shoring up what I call the holes in the boat, or checking what might need boundary work in your life. In other words, making sure you are being deliberate in designing a life that is conducive to a life full of love and peace. Byron Katie calls this “loving what is” – which is EXACTLY what it’s like! Fully embracing and welcoming the truth of what is, including what supports you and makes you feel safe, and also accepting what does not. From here we can build a life that is in accordance with our values.

Sending so much love! To support the show, you can make a donation at YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon.

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Ep 219: Designing a Supportive Life – Living from Love

There are many phases to a long-term partnership – many moons. When it comes to long-term partnerships, we are traveling through a human existence which includes dealing with that pain of our own identity. That pain then interacts and affects our partner, which can define the kinds of conflicts we perceive are happening.
 
This is about how to humanely deal with the pain of miscommunication and unmet needs in long-term, intimate relationships. Many relationship issues don’t have “correct” solutions. They result from being different people with different needs and different styles of communication. The goal then becomes to act humanely as we deal with that fact – including toward ourselves. This episode is about having that goal of doing no harm and also being able to step back from our own programming. Whereas when we are choosing a partner we must be incredibly stringent in our standards, once we have chosen one, we can become accountable enough to challenge ourselves. We can practice acceptance of who the other person is and also look at how we choose to change.

This is for about working with our own ego wounds as they occur, and also stepping back from old chain reactions. It’s a reminder that marriage can be hard and often the best we can do is come from love and respect, for ourselves and others.
 
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Ep 187: Stepping Back: How to come back to yourself when fixated on the feelings of others

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