UNDERSTANDABLE

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For most of my life, I deeply longed for a warm, stable, loving relationship.

But instead of feeling safe and connected, I was constantly triggered in my relationships.

First being needy in the beginning, then panicking when things got too close.

In fact, I broke up five times, leaving behind a lot of heartbreak.

And I didn’t understand back then that I wasn’t “just needing space.”

I was avoidantly attached and scared of commitment.

But after working with four different therapists…after years of uncomfortable self-work…

Today, I finally live together with my current partner, and I feel like I've arrived in a safe relationship where I don’t want to run away anymore for the first time in my life.

And if I could move from attachment wounds… to building real emotional safety…

Then I want to show you exactly how.

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Spotify: ⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:16 Habit 1: Make Emotions And Needs Visible

05:26 Habit 2: Stop Trying To Fix Each Other

07:53 Habit 3: Name Patterns In Real Time

10:38: Habit 4: Listen And Pause During Conflict

14:02 Habit 5: Practice Vulnerability Instead Of Protest

16:34 Habit 6: Stay True to Yourself, Even If It Feels Wrong

19:42 Habit 7: Prioritize Love Over Perfection

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Free Relationship Masterclass: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/masterclass⁠⁠ ⁠⁠(Ad)

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Why does criticism hurt so much?

I bet you know situations like these: You’re having dinner with the person you love.

Everything seems great, but then they say: "You didn’t ask me how my day was. It felt like you don’t care."

A solid statement, that kicked you out of you calm mind.

In your ears that sounded like an accusation.

Even worse, like a judgement.

You feel criticized, at the same time hurt and offended.

Your thoughts start spiraling.

Why didn’t you ask, idiot?

Why did you FAIL this one.

You feel ashamed.

Anxiety kicks in. What if they now think I don’t love them, because I forgot to ask?

But then your inner guard raises it’s voice:

You heat up and feel irritated.

Why do they even expect me to ask how their day was? Mine was exhausting and I just forgot to ask.. Why do they always expect things from me? It’s unfair.

When you can identify with this example, first of all, I’m not here to expose you.

If you react like this, it’s totally understandable, because there are good reasons for it.

Therefore today, in this video, I’m going to share 5 surprising reasons, why the smallest comment or criticism completely breaks you.

► Links and Resources:

Self-Care Habits for HSPs / Neurodivergents:

https://youtu.be/LdWEM_ZTZYM?si=15FaXVGsEMXC4hyp

10 Signs of CPTSD:

https://youtu.be/nH6mOBoqCsc?si=lQiDt7xNmbtjpfpD

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Spotify: ⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:23 Reason 1: You’re Overwhelmed From Work And Life

02:46 Reason 2: Emotional Burnout

04:19 Reason 3: You’re Highly Sensitive /Neurodivergent

05:31 Reason 4: Childhood Trauma

07:32 Reason 5: Unstable Sense of Self

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Free Relationship Masterclass: ⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/masterclass⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad)

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Why does the person you love the most also trigger you the most?‘Shouldn’t love with this person be easy?’Well, I’ll give you the answer straight away: It’s not a coincidence. It’s how love actually works.Your partner isn’t there just to make you happy, they’re in your life to mirror your insecurities and vulnerable parts and make you grow through them. But knowing that, reveals the true underlying question: What’s below these painful triggers?What do they reveal about us?And how can we grow through them so we don’t feel so angry, hurt, upset and ashamed anymore?

► Links and Resources:

Signs of an HSP:

https://youtu.be/DPrgxLzFnxI?si=NsuitgFJiHkZkgo9

The Highly Sensitive Man:

https://youtu.be/8LbQhAVXE3U?si=oJ43rcTt0k5W_nyq

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YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

Spotify: ⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

00:58 Why The Person You Love Triggers You Most

02:48 What’s Below These Painful Triggers?

03:03 1. High Sensitivity

05:39 2. Painful Patterns From The Past

10:46 3. Insecurities & Vulnerabilities

12:59 How Can We Grow Through Our Triggers

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Free Relationship Masterclass: ⁠⁠https://understandable.net/masterclass⁠ ⁠(Ad)

► Access My Premium Course: ⁠⁠https://understandable.net/course/⁠⁠ (Ad)

Over the past 13 years, I ended five long-term relationships — all from my side.

But did these relationships really have to end like that? Or did I push myself — and the people I loved — into unnecessary suffering and heartbreak?

If you’re watching this right now, you might be in a similar place. Being in a relationship that feels overwhelming or Exhausting, asking yourself the same question: Could this relationship be saved… if I just understood the right things?

In this video, I’m sharing 11 things I deeply wish I had known about love and relationships before I walked away five times.

And this isn’t about telling you to stay or to leave. It’s about helping you pause — and see more clearly — before making a decision you can’t easily undo.

If you’re on the edge right now, this video might change how you see your relationship.

► Links and Resources:

You Can’t Change Them Video:

https://youtu.be/JUu4MkLvrK4?si=v_LlvgwYC6DfTuSI

Stop Conflict in Your Relationship:

https://youtu.be/dF2QYyxqJjM?si=-AbNzIXXBP85O91e ⁠

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠ ⁠

Spotify: ⁠

⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠ ⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠⁠ ⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:37 Lesson 1: You’re Not Struggling Because “You Didn’t Meet The Perfect Partner Yet”

04:36 Lesson 2: Trying To Change Your Partner Is Already Part of The Problem

07:10 Lesson 3: Chemistry & Hobbies Won’t Save Your Relationship

09:43 Lesson 4: You Can’t “Win” A Fight

11:39 Lesson 5: A Challenging Partner Is A Good Partner

15:52 Lesson 6: Your Relationship Pain Is Trying To Tell You Something

19:37 Lesson 7: Most Relationships Don’t End Because “They’re Broken”

21:56 Lesson 8: It’s Often Not Your Partner, It’s Your Patterns

25:17 Lesson 9: But What If Your Values Were Built on Emotional Survival?

28:45 Lesson 10: Unconditional Love Isn’t How Adult Relationships Work

30:43 Lesson 11: Why You Will Choose The Wrong Person

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Free Relationship Masterclass: ⁠https://understandable.net/masterclass ⁠(Ad)

► Access My Premium Course: ⁠https://understandable.net/course/⁠ (Ad)

Do you sometimes feel disappointed because your partner doesn’t just know how you feel?

You expect them to sense your mood, your needs, or what’s wrong, but without you saying a word. But when they don’t, it hurts… and creates pressure on both sides.

In this episode, we talk about why empathy is not mind-reading, how this expectation silently damages relationships, and what actually helps partners understand each other better.

► Links and Resources:

Why You Don’t Feel Seen Episode https://youtu.be/6g6IiIwnPWA?si=dzP-tm70BkvJGPLV

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠ ⁠

Spotify: ⁠

⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠ ⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠ ⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro - The Invisible Test

02:08 Silent Expectations

05:58 Solutions: From Being Guessed To Being Known

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Free Relationship Masterclass: https://understandable.net/masterclass (Ad)

► Access My Premium Course: https://understandable.net/course/ (Ad)

Why do you keep ruining great relationships?

Every. Single. Time.

The problem is not that you can’t find good people.

It’s that every time a relationship starts to feel good… something goes wrong.

You want a stable, long-term relationship.

But instead you find yourself in heartbreak, frustration and anger about yourself.

And the most confusing part is this:

it’s not the toxic relationships that fall apart.

It’s the ones that actually had potential, where you felt: this time, it’s different!

► Links and Resources:

Conflict Resolution Video:

https://youtu.be/PxiDnxXC2p8?si=g69xLC_ZXLgVRo4r

Avoidant Attachment Style Video:

https://youtu.be/V5Nn_XOHFX8

Relationship Anxiety Video:

https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=gNSR9w1DpkVv7QTg

How I Overcame My Commitment Issues Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUECZtfGkEM

Trauma Bond Video:

https://youtu.be/J70RwIER2BQ?si=-Qxp_lwNVYMD9sgo

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠

Spotify: ⁠

⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:19 Why You Keep Ruining Great Relationships

03:11 1. You’re Not Ready for a Real Relationship Yet

11:05 2. Closeness Feels Like a Trap (Avoidant Attachment)

16:19 3. Your Anxiety Runs the Relationship (Anxious Attachment)

20:51 4. Pain Was Your First Language of Connection

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

https://understandable.net/ (Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

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Attraction is a beautiful thing. We all desire it.

We all want to feel pulled toward someone.

Attraction is often what brings people together in the first place.

It gives relationships energy.

Yet, there are moments, where attraction suddenly becomes… dangerous.

Maybe you’re already in a relationship.

Maybe you’ve built a life with someone toxic.

And yet there is this pull toward a person you'd be better off not being attracted to.

► Links and Resources:

Limerence Video: https://youtu.be/cZ344b-d7DA?si=zE93uPeP9YjIRcSW

Anxious Attachment Video: https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=vTxyvwzQS-xfYEXZ

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YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠

https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music:

⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Sirens and Sailors

02:20 Why We’re Hearing The Call

05:00 Solution: How To Not Fall For The Temptation

06:10 Final Thoughts

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

https://understandable.net/ (Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)

Sometimes, there’s a wild dragon in our mind.

It makes our head turn small problems into something that feels threatening.

Creating a big disaster and making our thoughts catastrophizing.

The dragon can awaken at any time.

When we get triggered — by our partner, our boss, or even by ourselves — our calm state gets hijacked.

And suddenly, it feels like a fire-breathing dragon takes over our thoughts.

It twists how we see things.

It exaggerates danger.

And if we’re not careful, we don’t just have the dragon in our mind — we become it.

We say things we don’t mean.

We assume the worst.

We hurt other people — and ourselves — often without even realizing it.

► Links and Resources:

Negativity Bias Article: https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/negativity-bias

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YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠

https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music:

⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 The Inner Dragon

04:25 Why The Dragon Exists

07:50 How To Tame The Dragon

10:46 Final Thoughts

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

⁠https://understandable.net/⁠ (Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠ (Ad)

Why do intimate relationships always feel so emotionally overwhelming?

I’ve been wondering about that question ever since I started dating.

Somehow, relationships always felt more difficult for me than they seemed to be for other people.

Not for everyone, but there is definitely a group of people who doesn't understand my specific challenges with it.

► Links and Resources:

Regulation in Isolation Episode: https://youtu.be/PP9dvNWZ8p4?si=dCqQr20jMrTEE2RK

You Can’t Change Them Episode: https://youtu.be/JUu4MkLvrK4?si=AfBjjLIw7nAj8CDb

Sense of Self Article: https://www.healthline.com/health/sense-of-self

The Four Points of Balance: https://jamesmchristensen.com/blog/david-schnarchs-four-points-of-balance

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠

Spotify: ⁠

⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro - Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming

Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming

03:39 Why Your Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming

10:05 How To Feel Less Emotionally Overwhelmed In Relationships

11:19 The Four Points Of Balance

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠(Ad)

Emotions are just states that constantly change. No emotional state stays forever. Also emotions are survivable. This is what my therapist always said. You are not the emotions, which are the clouds, you are the sky that’s always there, no matter which emotion arises.

► Links and Resources:

Polyvagal Theory Video:

https://youtu.be/2iT8Msp8Vx0

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Amazon Music: ⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro - Inside the Emotional Storm

01:43 Why Is The Emotional Storm So Powerful?

03:59 Calming The Storm

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.