UNDERSTANDABLE

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Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about why avoidant partners stonewall,

what you can do if you feel you don’t feel heard and seen for the thousand’s time because they always go cold

And on the flipside, what avoidants can do if they find themselves constantly stonewalling during vulnerable conversions.

► Links and Resources:

Avoidant Attachment Style Video:

https://youtu.be/4vs3gDlmS18

Emotional Dysregulation Video:

https://youtu.be/Q0iGqa7y6BA

How to Resolve Relationship Conflict Like a Secure Person: https://youtu.be/PxiDnxXC2p8

Stonewalling Examples Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/coolguides/comments/1hw6a4a/a_cool_guide_on_stonewalling_and_how_to_deal_with/

The 4 Horsemen by Dr. John Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Stonewalling, Grey Rocking & Narcissism: https://sherrygaba.com/navigating-relationships-with-narcissists-stonewalling-vs-gray-rocking/

Adult survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx ⁠⁠

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Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠

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► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

00:47 What Is Stonewalling?

03:21 Why Stonewalling Hurts Our Relationship

05:06 Stonewalling Vs. Grey Rocking

07:48 Stonewalling And Avoidant Attachment

09:28 The Stonewalling Cycle

13:55 Stonewalling And The Nervous System

16:30 The Hidden Psychology Behind Stonewalling

18:48 How To Deal With Stonewalling Like A Secure Person

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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Some of the things you call red flags might actually be the healthiest signs you’ve ever seen.

If you grew up in a difficult environment where these following greenflags were not familiar or even dangerous, that’s not surprising.

Because when chaos was normal, when you got hurt, safety can feel wrong.

Calm feels boring. Consistency suspicious. And closeness can feel dangerous.

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Amazon Music:

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► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 7 Dating Red Flags, That Are Actually Green

00:33 1. They Don’t Always Respond Right Away

02:40 2. They’re Not Very Active on Social Media

04:12 3. They Have Close Friends of the Opposite Sex

05:59 4. They Value Their Own Space and Independence

07:50 5. They Say What They Think Directly

09:48 6. They’re Genuine, Not Constantly Charismatic

11:38 7. They Don’t Always Make You Feel Comfortable

13:37 From Red To Green

16:00 Final Thoughts

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

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Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about 7 Trauma-Driven Green Flags, That Are Actually Red

You might think you’ve found the one — they’re kind, attentive, emotionally open… But what if those ‘green flags’ are actually coming from unresolved trauma?

Therefore today, I’ll walk you through 7 behaviors that look like emotional maturity or even love but are secretly warning signs rooted in anxious attachment, fawning, codependency, or toxic shame.

If you’re someone healing from CPTSD, this might just change how you see "healthy" relationships forever.

► Links and Resources:

The Secret To STOP Fighting in Your Relationships:

https://youtu.be/dF2QYyxqJjM

Spiritual Bypassing:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_bypass ⁠

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► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:11 Flag 1: They Always Want To Be With You

05:46 Flag 2: They Never Get Mad At You

12:10 Flag 3: They Open Up About Everything On The First Date

16:42 Flag 4: They Always Put You First

19:00 Flag 5: They See You As Their Entire World

21:39 Flag 6: They Communicate So Well During Conflict, But Nothing Ever Changes

25:22 Flag 7: They’re Obsessed With “Healing”

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

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In this video, I explore attachment styles, how to identify a secure partner, and the dynamics of trauma bonding.

► Links and Resources:

Fear of Commitment Video:

https://youtu.be/SUECZtfGkEM?si=mKymbK-Sh2jeFVD1

Chaotic Attachment Video:

https://youtu.be/-BFW7lVd8Yk?si=asZKMwEpWoPtradm

Trauma Bonding Article:

https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/trauma-bonding/

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► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:13 Dating With CPTSD

10:09 Dating With An Avoidant Attachment Style

13:40 Dating With An Anxious Attachment Style

16:17 Dating With A Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style

18:43 Trauma Bondings In CPTSD Dating

21:19 Why Secure Love Feels Boring

24:05 Dating with a Secure Attachment Style

27:01 How To Find a Secure Partner

27:30 Step 1: Start To Reclaim Your Own Sense Of Self First

30:15 Step 2: Continuously Shed A Light And Question Your Triggers

31:39 Step 3: Start To Become A More Securely Attached Person Yourself

34:08 Step 4: Date Like A Secure Person Would

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad)

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There is a way to crush you pink glasses for someone now.

But let me warn you up front: This way is not good advice, neither will it end your romantic obsession problems long term.

Still, it works if you want to stop intrusive thought about someone instantly.

The solution is: Get more options!

Get another or even better - more surfaces for your projections of your fantasies aka limerent objects

► Links and Resources:

Limerence While in a Relationship:

https://youtu.be/UOZLmQkBFMM

ChatGPT as Therapist Video:

https://youtu.be/JRo6PgSiB3w?si=jX8TGEKH1q0LSFE_

Detachment & Letting Go Video: https://youtu.be/WUJu3dVIUZ0?si=WhQ51parSClkzTSD

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Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠ ⁠⁠⁠

Amazon Music: ⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

02:18 Way 5: Truly Want (Decide) To Move On

07:50 Way 4: Use AI-Tools As A Neutral Mirror

13:58 Way 3: Accept What It Means To Be Over Your L.O.

16:11: Way 2: Understand What Your Inner Child Truly Needs (And Never Got)

19:30 Way 1: Be Prepared To Sit On A 3-Legged Chair (Get A Life)

20:56 Pillars Of Stability/Leg 1: Health

22:02 Leg 2: Wealth/Work

22:42 Leg 3: Social Life

24:00 Leg 4: Options

25:13 Leg 5: Self-Worth

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠⁠⁠ (Ad)

You might believe that being in a happy marriage or relationship makes you immune to limerence.

But still, I’ve read the following story about limerence while in a relationship in one or another version hundreds of times online.

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Amazon Music: ⁠⁠

⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

00:21 Limerence While In A Relationship

03:37 The Perspective Of The Partner

05:42 Why Was She Risking Her Marriage?

08:17 How Limerence Forms While In A Relationship

13:31 What To Do?

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠ (Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

⁠⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠⁠ (Ad)

What is at the root of limerence, aka romantic obsession, aka love addiction?

Ladies & Gentlemen, it is NOT just loneliness or a quirky crush.

Therefore, today I’m taking you on a deep dive through the 10 layers beneath the surface down to the dark root of limerence.

► Links and Resources:

Self-Soothing Through Fantasies: https://youtu.be/ozIbtcDmNVA?si=yN_lWce2OJ57hmka

Anxious Attachment Style Episode: https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=PZijKMhWOOJiL2Tf

Love Addiction Article:

https://greymattersjournal.org/love-addiction/

Basic Needs:

https://blanchethouse.org/5-levels-of-human-needs/

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Amazon Music: ⁠⁠

⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

00:30 Level 1: The Obsessive Crush

04:26 Level 2: Mixed Dating Signals

06:54 Level 3: Dopamine Addiction & OCD

08:46 Level 4: Unmet Emotional Needs

11:41 Level 5: Projection: The Idealized Fantasy

16:49 Level 6: Fear Of Rejection/Intimacy

19:43 Level 7: Attachment Wounds

21:28 Level 8: Childhood Trauma/Neglect

23:19 Level 9: Low Self-Worth/Shame

25:07 Level 10: Nervous System Dysregulation

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

https://understandable.net/ (Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)

► Links and Resources:

Hypervigilance Episode: https://youtu.be/Mhoa6_53StI?si=PDm6Sk9WuPx6Rjp4

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Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:25 What Does It Mean If You Don’t Feel Seen?

04:00 Introspective Perception

08:40 Extrospective Perception

10:00 Society & Culture

11:30 Childhood & Relationships

13:00 Love Languages

19:00 How To Feel More Seen

21:50 How To See Others More

Final Thoughts

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

⁠https://understandable.net/⁠ (Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠ (Ad)

Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about 10 signs it’s a trauma bond and not real love.

But I won’t just throw these signs at you, I want you to truly understand the background psychology of a trauma bond.

This is why I take you into the roller coaster relationship of Mary.

We will see how a trauma-bonded relationship forms, how it builds up, and then slowly but gradually crashes into emotional suffering, codependency and addiction - sign by sign.

Plus, in the end, we will also explore what real love actually might look like.

► Links and Resources:

Limerence Episode:

https://youtu.be/mmNjDwdPwOA?si=kSFn2nNBgBf6Mx3k

Trauma Bond Article: https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/trauma-bonding/

Codependency Series by Tim Fletcher:

https://youtu.be/yesXC_ibRKE?si=r4JO6JGdscfuJU0c

People Pleasing and Healthy Conflict Video: https://youtu.be/ZhExIeU3Bys?si=6pxiypHRDxaAldEW

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Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠

Amazon Music: ⁠⁠

https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

00:48 What Is A Trauma Bond?

04:40 Sign 1: The Honeymoon Phase (Love Bombing)

06:44 Sign 2: Unwritten Rules

08:52 Sign 3: Honesty Is Dangerous

13:17 Sign 4: Gaslighting

14:37 Sign 5: Double Standards

15:46 Sign 6: Enmeshment And Codependency

19:34 Sign 7: Cause For Pain, Source For Healing

21:44 Sign 8: Emotional Responsibility

24:00 Sign 9: Abuse Escalation

29:15 Sign 10: Addiction (The Crash)

31:19 What Is Love?

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

https://understandable.net/ (Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)

In this video I show you a live roleplay where I simulate a conflict with my “wife” and try to resolve it using Nonviolent communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg. I’m sharing this with you not because I’m so good in conflict resolution, but because I’m so bad in it. I was avoidant my whole life and I’m lacking this skill the most. I’m scared as hell of conflict and currently learning this skill

I think this is one of the most important skills for relationships to learn.So maybe it saves your relationship or marriage and you don’t have to run away anymore.

► Links and Resources:

Nonviolent Communication Book (Ad): https://amzn.to/4ohDQIh

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Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

02:00 Why DOESN’T Conflict Resolution Always Work Out Easily?

04:10 How Relationship Fight Resolution Looks Like In Real Life

05:45 Nonviolent Communication

09:30 Live Roleplay

18:40 Learnings From The Roleplay

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.