Everyone lives in their own story. They are a character in their story. If you want to offer them something, a product, a service, a message, your influence, a helping hand…whatever, you want to enter their story. The master of this is Donald Miller. I first met Don through his spiritually based memoirs. Don was a writer. An artist. Over time he sold zillions of books to people like me and along the way learned how to translate his gift of storywriting to the world of business. He started a company called Storyline and I attended his very first conference in Portland, OR with my Dad, brother, and uncle. Following is a conversation I had when Don had just released his book, Building a StoryBrand: Clarify Your Message So Customers Will Listen. In it he flips our perspective of how to promote what we have to offer to the public. It’s not about our product or service, it is about the customer. Don takes us through the structure of a good storyline and how we can, and must apply it to our offerings in this format; “A CHARACTER who wants something encounters a PROBLEM before they can get it. At the peak of their despair, a GUIDE steps into their lives, gives them a PLAN, and CALLS THEM TO ACTION. That action helps them avoid FAILURE and ends in SUCCESS.” You can find Don at storybrand.com

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I saw a post that said this, “Instead of finishing the year strong, why don’t we finish the year soft? Why don’t we finish the year restful and grateful for making it through yet another crazy cycle of earth?” It really stuck with me as I pondered the days ahead, through Christmas and the New Year. I thought about what would bless…myself. And then my family and friends. The holidays are happening and a new year is coming and what could I do to have a more memorable and meaningful time? And I had far less doing come to mind, and a lot more being. Drive with me to ponder it if you would.

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Two episodes ago I had Talia Fox on the show. The turning point in her difficult life was realizing she had to let go of her identity, meaning, quit identifying as the girl who was a victim and had little opportunity or possibility. She did this. And from it she said, “I became obsessed with human and social behavior and how our identities shape our choices and our lives.” I think most of us never question our identity, we just assume we are who we are and that’s that. We can learn and do different things but who we be is set. We think of identity as fixed, like the color of your eyes. And yet I see us change our identities all the time and we don’t even realize it. If we conceptualize it better, we can open ourselves up to…a very expanded self.

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I’ve been intrigued by the sudden superhero concept for a long time. Peter Parker gets bitten by a spider and turns into spiderman. Bruce Banner gets exposed to radiation and turns into the Hulk. Some other guy or girl falls into a chemical vat and develops super powers. None of them chose those things to happen. But in our daily lives, seldom do specific and acute things happen to us like that. In most cases, we have choices to make, and I find that in seemingly hard circumstances, we’d rather there was just one, forced circumstance. Choosing between what looks like challenging options all around can overwhelm us. My muse for this topic is the guest from the previous episode, Talia Fox, author of The Power of Conscious Connection: 4 Habits To Transform How You Live And Lead. The beginning of her book tells the story of her crying in a stairwell while holding the baby she is a single parent to, feeling at the end of her rope. After the sobbing subsided it just hit her that, “Something has to change.” And she changed it. But it brings up this issue of choice and how it feels when we feel backed in a corner.

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I have a powerful story of drive for you. One that starts with tears and today is an impressive lists of stats. Let’s start with the impressive list. Talia Fox is a leadership strategist. She holds an M.Ed. in counseling psychology from Howard University and she is a Harvard University Fellow. With her extensive background in psychology and education she assists leaders in developing successful strategies for complex missions, ranging from defense systems to healthcare initiatives. As CEO of KUSI Global, Inc., Talia helps organizations like the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, Harvard University, Transunion, the National Institutes of Health, Howard University, and the U.S. Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs maximize human potential by leveraging strategic intelligence and helps individuals and organizations foster connected cultures and promote conscious equity. Now Talia has a new book titled, The Power of Conscious Connection: 4 Habits To Transform How You Live And Lead. But where we start in our conversation is Talia as a single mom, holding onto her baby and crying in a stairwell in her apartment building. At the end of her rope. And that is where she resolved to not let her circumstances decide her fate and to quit identifying as a lacking and struggling young woman. Here is what Talia says, “I decided to choose a different way of existing in the world. People can often be completely absorbed by their problems, she said. They don’t jump out of bed, they drag themselves through feeling sad, tired, broken and disappointed. I started asking myself, what does this situation need from me today to be most successful? I became conscious how my choices impacted my outcomes. I became obsessed with human and social behavior and how our identities shape our choices and our lives. I was struck by how the seemingly small choices I made had the biggest impact on my mental well being. Sometimes veering off the well-trodden path of others and choosing a different path can lead to life-altering decisions. This is the story friends. This will be a good ride.

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This is a story of drive. How a guy found his and how he helps others find theirs. Tom Bilyeu describes himself as a scared kid who worked his way out of his fear and ultimately co-founded Quest Nutrition. You’ve likely seen or bought Quest bars from the grocery store wherever you live. In 2017 he started Impact Theory, a media company focused on human potential to address as Tom says, the pandemic of body and mind. Today his Impact Theory podcast is one of the top shows in the self-improvement category and one you’ve likely heard or seen on YouTube. I sat down with Tom in 2017 not long after he started Impact Theory, and before he sold Quest Nutrition in 2019 for a tidy billion dollars. I was host of The Ziglar Show at the time and wanted to dig into a guy who really came from nothing to find success for himself and then devote himself to helping others achieve success, and what he felt the pillars were to increase human potential. You won’t find him touting hacks, but instead looking to just doing the work. Which I appreciate. It’s not a mystery, and it’s something we can all do.

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I recently watched a little of a movie called “Above The Shadows” where after the death of her mother, a girl fades away until nobody notices her and she is in essence, invisible. But she still exists. Still goes about life. As we talk about changing ourselves and who and how we want to be, I intrigue myself with the exercise of considering how you would be if there were not “who.” You were anonymous. There was no persona and no ego, leaving you to only do what your head and heart wanted. You would receive no blame and no credit. How would your behaviors and actions change? Let’s talk through it

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As we look at personal change, I feel it’s an important distinction to consider whether we want to change who we are, or how we are. I think we often feel ok about who we are at heart. We know we are striving to do good and we mean well and we aren’t looking to become some totally different person. However, we also feel dissatisfied with some of the results we are getting and wonder what actions and behaviors might get us better results. Let’s look at some ideas around still being who we are, but adjusting how we are being.

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In my previous episode with Karden Rabin, co-author of The Secret Language of The Body, he told the story of adopting the persona of an a-hole and making fun of others for a laugh, until he was 19 years old. And then, he changed his entire persona. Chances are though, you don’t view yourself as being a jerk. You’re ok with yourself overall, but you’d like better results from your life. You’d like more happiness and peace. So do you really want to change? Or do you just want different results? I find it is an important distinction to think through to discern what you are actually striving to achieve for yourself.

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