What Drives You with Kevin Miller

I continue to ponder the message from Israa Nasir in her book, Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More. And I’m thinking about the people in and around my life and what attracts me to some and not others. And I’m realizing that the really busy people, even if they might seem important, don’t inspire me to pursue them. And the people that are more available, I innately have more respect and desire for. Which has me looking at myself and considering how I come off to others and how I’m probably limiting my opportunities for relationships and connection.

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In my previous episode with Israa Nasir we talked about the message in her book, Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More. Looking at being addicted to productivity and busyness, I want to look at our motives. To a degree, I feel we are often trying to prove ourselves. Prove our worth. Why? Well, our self-worth must be in question. And who are we trying to prove it to? Others, or ultimately, ourselves? 

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I think we’re all well aware that our culture has fallen into the idea of being busy is being important. But I’ll admit that even in trying to shed this, I still find myself busy. I just agree to things without counting the cost. But then I find myself struggling mentally with bitterness and burnout and I just want to escape. So when this book, Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More, came across my desk, I was eager to have the author on. Israa Nasir is a New York City-based psychotherapist, writer, and the founder of WellGuide—a digital community for mental health awareness. She has a big following on Instagram at well.guide. In her focus on Toxic Productivity she tries to dismantle the myth that “doing more makes you more worthy,” and this is where I dig in with her in this show. My primary interest was how we associate our identity with what we do, and Israa and I really landed a lot on intention, asking ourselves why we do all we do? What is the outcome we are expecting and what need of our own are we trying to fulfill.

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I pay attention to shows people refer to, and often in talking about spending money on our personal growth, people will ask me, “What was it your Dad used to say? What percent should you spend on your personal growth?” The answer is 3-5%. My Dad was Dan Miller, famed author of 48 Days To The Work & Life You Love. In 2017 he published a blog at 48days.com titled, ““Your Success is Guaranteed – If You Do This.” In it he cited Brian Tracy who turned him on to the idea, saying that successful people we all listen to and follow habitually invest at least 3-5% of their income directly toward their personal growth. Many spend far more. And as you’ll hear, what follows is your income generally increases as a result and you’re able to spend more and more each year. I greatly appreciate the tangible metric. If you make $7,000 per month, you can be looking for $350 to spend on your personal growth every month. So I’ve brought back this episode with my Dad, back from when I hosted The Ziglar Show, which you’ll hear us reference. You can still find all the gold my Dad has to offer at 48days.com

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Anxiety is a feeling of fear, dread, or uneasiness that can be a normal reaction to stress. So, what is stress? Stress is a natural response to a perceived threat or challenge that can cause mental or physical tension. The only reason we would feel stress and anxiety is because we feel a threat. Threat is when we feel an intention to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other hostile action. I’ve been looking at myself for a while and asking why I feel threatened? I expect that very few people listening to this are often, if ever, in physical threat. When you are, anxiety is a wonderful and appropriate signal to act in self-protection. However. What about when the threat is not physical? When it’s psychological? What is being threatened? I was recently given some insight on this by a therapist, which I’ll share next. 

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I believe this world and this life is at the core, truly beautiful and glorious. And, we have some very concerning trends to address. Health care is the number one GNP in America. We spend more money, not on our health, but our unhealth, than on anything else. Why? Lifestyle. Just do the research. It’s not happening to it, we are doing it to ourselves. A very unpopular perspective, but in truth, isn’t that the best news? You have power, otherwise you are claiming victimhood. Healthcare in America has become sick-management. And we address the symptoms. Even cancer, which my Dad just died of, is a symptom. We try to beat cancer and don’t ask…what is causing cancer. We create a new drug to treat every growing problem, without asking why the problem exists and keeps growing. Let’s ask.

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Let’s take a quick look at foods in regards to anxiety. And I’ll admit up front, I don’t like the messages that put the food and drink I like in their cross hairs. Food is just about my favorite drug. I love loving it. And I don’t abstain from the foods I like. But I might moderate the amounts or the timing. Let’s take a quick look at some food and drink issues I’ve experienced causing issues with anxiety. My muse is from the conversation in the last episode with MD, holistic psychiatrist, acupuncturist, and yoga teacher Ellen Vora, and her new book, The Anatomy of Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming the Body's Fear Response. Find the book anywhere and find her on IG @ellenvoramd 

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Anxiety is the new norm, and conventional medicine tends to view anxiety as a “neck-up” problem - that is, one of brain chemistry and psychology. So all the treatments are focused there. At the mind. At calming our minds. Getting calm. I agree with those, as part of the treatment. But what about our overall health? How does it factor in? My guest cites that the origins of anxiety are rooted in the body. Ellen Vora is an MD with her B.A. from Yale, a holistic psychiatrist, acupuncturist, and yoga teacher. She takes a functional medicine approach to mental health, considering the whole person and addressing imbalance at the root. Ellen offers a paradigm shift in our understanding of anxiety and mental health, suggesting that anxiety is not simply a brain disorder but a whole-body condition. It’s coming just as much from what we eat and how much we move and what we watch, as a neck up chemical imbalance. More actually. She has a book titled The Anatomy of Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming the Body's Fear Response, which is my initial muse for this conversation. Find the book anywhere and find Ellen at instagram.com/ellenvoramd/

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We begin life with built in accountability. We have our caregivers, maybe siblings, then we go to school and have teachers. Hopefully we have close friends. Eventually we have bosses. We may have a spouse or significant other. Even our children can be a source of accountability to how we behave and how we live our lives. But at the core, the greatest source of accountability is from ourselves. If the only thing holding us in line is those in our lives, it’s somewhat artificial. Twenty years ago John Miller wrote a book called QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability at Work and in Life. It literally became a classic in the business world, but the message is for all of us as individuals. I sat down with John some years back, along with Tom Ziglar, and we dug into what had made the message so popular and equipping. John said QBQ gets to the core of success: ourselves. Our actions and behaviors and responsibility. You can connect with John at QBQ.com. This conversation will give you insight into a core accountability you haven’t fully grasped and leveraged. The accountability with yourself.

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