Absolutely Not

By Dear Media

What's Absolutely Not about?

"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussion or call in the Hotline or should we say "Absolutely NOT-Line" with your life complaints. We will discuss it all. It's a joyful take on life's craziest moments.

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LAST EPISODE

Bitching and Chitchatting w...

09.23.2021

On this Special bonus Episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is once again recording from Italy before heading to the Mile-High City (Denver) to continue her tour. Not all is as it seems in idyllic Repubblica Italiana as Heather copes with ...

Absolutely Not episodes:

09.23.2021 Bitching and Chitchatting with Jeff On this Special bonus Episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is once again recording from Italy before heading to the Mile-High City (Denver) to continue her tour. Not all is as it seems in idyllic Repubblica Italiana as Heather copes with ...
09.21.2021 George Clooney with Special Guest Jeff Daniels On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is recording from her hotel in Venice,Italy. She has already spent too much money and is waiting for the hotel to kick her out once they realize she cannot actually afford ...
09.15.2021 Must Be Nice! On this episode of Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has come unhinged with the bullshit. Between Jeff's sweaty ass and everyone giving their opinion on everything, MUST BE REAL NICE SHERYL, to blow up your own facebook with insanity. She's hitting ...
09.11.2021 Cody From New Jersey On this episode Heather breaks down her trip to Vegas, how she survived but wishes she had a scooter the whole time. She's taking your calls from the Hotline and giving you a hot safety tip reminder! Right now, Modern ...
09.01.2021 This Girl's Gotta Eat! Heather is joined by Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg, hosts of the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast to chat all things tour life, unruly fans and wild college memories. Buckle in for this one! Right now Ritual is offering my listeners ...
08.29.2021 Spread Thick Heather is back in LA and she is hot and bothered - literally! In todays' episode Heather talks tour life, gives her best dating advice and stalks an LA masseuse (were looking at your Ruben). Buckle up for this wild ...
08.25.2021 Every Body, Rock your BODY! Heather has teamed up with Old Navy for this episode all about bod-equality and being your most "boss a$$ b*tch" self. She also gets into the perils of cat-fishing, why all Scottish men are hot and why women should really ...
08.21.2021 Roll Tide! Heather gets down and dirty with her thoughts on the Alabama Sorority Rush craze and recounts her own experiences as a southern sorority girl! This episode is brought to you by Venus. Check out gillettevenus.com to learn more about why ...
08.18.2021 Wash Your Mouth out with Soap On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back on the road tearing it up one club at a time. She's in Arkansas and happier than a literal pig in shit to be telling jokes again. She's wrestling ...
08.11.2021 To Be Honest On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather answers the age-old questions of "How do I get back at my ex-fiance?", "Why is everyone an idiot?", "Is the world ending?" ya know, light hearted life advice and such. She ...
08.04.2021 Communal Dildo On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hit the Absolutely Not line with all of your insane but very valid issues. It's apparent no one at the CDC knows what's going on and we apparently all need to ...
07.28.2021 Dirty Shirley with Raymond Padilla On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather checks in on her buddy and apparent Warehouse Party-goer, Ray Padilla. He is a pillar of the "Leisure Gay" community and here to judge you. They discuss Strip clubs, ideal work ...
07.21.2021 Reverse Results On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is day 1 on a cleanse in the words of Chris Farley "STARVING OVER HERE". She is hitting the hotline harder than ever before. It is always comforting to her to ...
07.14.2021 The Return of Chris Ketner On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has been in her basement working on the tour and has her buddy Christopher Ketner trapped. They decided to jump into the voicemail hotline to see what you lil rascals have ...
07.08.2021 Energy Suck Heather is fresh from her vacay in the Turks and has a PSA for anyone trying to be a friggin LESLIE out there. We literally don't have time for this shit. It's a Hot Girl's Summer and a few of ...
06.30.2021 Double Bagged On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her mother and artist extraordinaire, The Red Contemporary, to discuss work, dating, and general fabulosity. Diva Red is dishing out a healthy dose of not fucking around, per ...
06.23.2021 Patient Portal On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather gets a lil pep-in-her-step after realizing she might in-fact qualify for the Olympics. After hitting the Voicemail hot line, she finds out someone got their vagina scratch by a house cat and lube ...
06.16.2021 Spanky's Retreat with the GA Law Lady! On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sitting down with her attorney & sister, Ashley McMahan. They are catching up on the wild weekend's they both had. With sandy toes, full drinks and love in their hearts ...
06.09.2021 Mild Anesthesia On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is literally coming out of the operating room and recording this whole podcast honestly, kinda high. No days off for this SHEMPIRE! lolzzz jk dont quote me. She is tackling your ...
06.02.2021 Im Going To Flawida On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is on a downward spiral from injecting hormones like a Kardashian getting a BBL. When she is inspired by a caller to get in touch with her Floridian roots it sparks ...
05.26.2021 Tool Belt of Responsibilities On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is sweating through her linen short set, anxiously awaiting her second round of egg freezing & stresses AF about work. She is keeping herself chained to a radiator in the basement ...
05.20.2021 Island Lyfe Featuring Surprise Guest, Chris Ketner On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather recaps her girls weekend that felt like camp on a secret island. She has returned, sunburned, raspy and puffier than ever. Just as she is getting into the real meat of ...
05.12.2021 Low Hanging Fruit with Jackie Schimmel, Host of The Bitch Bible On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has friend and fellow bitchy podcaster, Jackie Schimmel in the house, literally, she's at Robin's. She brought her intern, Jennifer Lopez with her, fresh off the A-rod breakup. Its a wild ...
05.05.2021 Who Died? On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is breaking down her medical blunders and asking y'all why the hell you're living with regret. We are Live Laugh Loving our way through the Absolutely not line, and man are ...
04.28.2021 Lil Sheeba On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather updates you on her doozie of a medical issue and realizes that she isn't the "pillar of the fertility community" she thought she was. She is sweaty, hungry, pissed off and ...
04.21.2021 Pack of Skanks On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is talking about civilian chemistry and mixed signals from her stallion. She is spiraling from the human growth hormone and trying to understand why everyone is being the worst and why ...
04.15.2021 Pu$$Y Poppin On this episode Heather breaks down one of her most embarrassing moments from this past weekend at the airport and explains why no one knows how to behave themselves. We're all wildly socially awkward and no one knows how to ...
04.07.2021 Raymond Padilla Wellness Check Heather catches up with friend and OG podcast guest Raymond Padilla! They discuss Ray's recent move to New York (spoiler: its been a bumpy ride) and how he is living his "gay ass truth". Head over to WOO More Play ...
03.31.2021 Take That Trish! On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather claps back at herself bc the hormones are making her feel like a genetically modified chicken tender with a side of sassy dont-give-a-F#ck ranch. She takes your voicemails and realizes y'all ...
03.24.2021 Pregnant Pirates Meet Olivia Benson On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down her recent surprise in the Turks and all the trouble she stirred up in Charleston. There was leather, edibles, bootcut jeans and lots of questions. She also hits the ...
03.17.2021 Hollywood Tower of Terror On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with herself in a downward spiral about this dumbest shit ever, per usual. It's her birthday and she is reporting live from the Turks and Caicos. RIGHT BY THE BEACH ...
03.10.2021 Spilling the English Breakfast Tea Heather's long time friend and fellow thespian extraordinaire, Tina T, is in town and the ladies are spilling the literal HIGH TEA on their weekend debauchery and breaking down the riveting Oprah interview. Heather is wildly concerned the Monarchy is ...
03.03.2021 ET, TU BRUTE? On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather is stepping in her pisces self-loathing season and realizing her physical well being is important but also almost impossible to keep up with. Her pants are tight, her skin is dry ...
02.24.2021 Sisterhood of the Traveling Wind Breaker On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather checks in on her friends down in the hill country and has some major Absolutely Nots. She isn’t fucking around with weather shaming, COVID shaming or grandma shaming. ITS ENOUGH. She's ...
02.17.2021 Shout Out To Maurice with Jeff Daniels AKA The Italian Stallion On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her husband, Jeff Daniels on all things love and marriage. It's Valentine's week and who better to answer your relationship questions than Tony Soprano himself. Receive 20% off PLUS Free ...
02.10.2021 Reach for the Stars On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is about to lose her shit with EVERYONE and clearly y'all are on the same wavelength. The voicemail line is buzzing with bullshit and Heather is here to help you wade ...
02.03.2021 LEFT BEHIND On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down what's been happening these past two weeks. It's a RAW AND REAL episode full of zero medical advice, lots of sweating and saying the F* word as many times ...
01.27.2021 Wellness Check: How YOU doin?! Ask and you shall receive! This week, Heather is responding to YOUR voicemails on the Absolutely Not Line. Buckle up, hunker down and get ready to laugh your tush off! Check out Olipop and get 20% off PLUS Free Shipping ...
01.20.2021 Half Owl with Ashley McMahan On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is chatting with her sister, the GA Law Lady about vax'n their mom, basic childhood trauma and finding their inner animal. Ashley is pissed her episode got basically erased last time ...
01.13.2021 EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather spins her New Years Wheels straight to crazy town. She has no fucking idea what is happening in the world and is trying to give you sage advice even though her ...
01.06.2021 Supply and Demand with Benito Skinner AKA @bennydrama7 On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast Heather sits down with her favorite comedian and BFF Benny Drama to discuss their major glow-ups. Benny is the king of impressions and he gives Heather the in's and outs of who ...
12.30.2020 Winslet Wellness Check On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is majorly concerned with Kate Winslet's wellbeing and whereabouts. She answers your insane End of the Year Voicemails and has a slight bit of optimism for the new year... just a ...
12.23.2020 Health, Wellness and Botox with Arielle Lorre Heather is joined by Arielle Lorre, host of The Blonde Files Podcast to talk all things self care, motivation, wellness and how she overcame personal challenges to get to where she is today. She is also a plastic surgery and ...
12.16.2020 Funeral Arrangements with Jackie Schimmel On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews dear friend, host of The Bitch Bible Podcast and CYA next Tuesday companion, Jackie Schimmel. And trust and believe they are throwing everyone under the bus. They have no time ...
12.09.2020 Fried Fridays and Online Dating with guest, Elizabeth Howard Heather Sits down with one of her oldest and dearest Delta Gamma sisters, Elizabeth Howard, to discuss the trials and tribulations of online dating with her single sister. SHE IS APPALLED and shocked to find out that men will message ...
12.02.2020 Calories Don't Count, RICK On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down the age old question.... "Why exactly does Jeff sleep with tape on his mouth AND still works in New York?" We survived Thanksgiving by the skin on our Turkey ...
11.25.2020 Has Anyone Seen My Tooth? with Guest Casey Balsham On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews fellow comedian, Casey Balsham of the SHADY SHIT podcast! Casey is literally looking for her loose tooth while bitching about what a fucking whirlwind of a year its been. From ...
11.18.2020 OASIS GOODTIME EMPORIUM On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sweating through her shirt dealing with one technological meltdown after another. Sis can't catch a break! I mean what are we even doing anymore? It's almost Thanksgiving, which means everything ...
11.11.2020 HEART HEALTHY with guest Christopher Ketner On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her friend, Christopher Ketner on some raw dog topics of how their bullshit threshold is at an all time low. America has spoken and the wild DM's have begun. ...
11.04.2020 TWO DICKS TOO MANY On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather shares a cool comedy experience that is literally giving her a will to live. There is a light at the end of this 2020 tunnel, even if it means we will ...

Older episodes

Absolutely Not

What's Absolutely Not about?

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Absolutely Not episodes:

Bitching and Chitchatting with Jeff

George Clooney with Special Guest Jeff Daniels

Must Be Nice!

Cody From New Jersey

This Girl's Gotta Eat!

Spread Thick

Every Body, Rock your BODY!

Roll Tide!

Wash Your Mouth out with Soap

To Be Honest

Communal Dildo

Dirty Shirley with Raymond Padilla

Reverse Results

The Return of Chris Ketner

Energy Suck

Double Bagged

Patient Portal

Spanky's Retreat with the GA Law Lady!

Mild Anesthesia

Im Going To Flawida

Tool Belt of Responsibilities

Island Lyfe Featuring Surprise Guest, Chris Ketner

Low Hanging Fruit with Jackie Schimmel, Host of The Bitch Bible

Who Died?

Lil Sheeba

Pack of Skanks

Pu$$Y Poppin

Raymond Padilla Wellness Check

Take That Trish!

Pregnant Pirates Meet Olivia Benson

Hollywood Tower of Terror

Spilling the English Breakfast Tea

ET, TU BRUTE?

Sisterhood of the Traveling Wind Breaker

Shout Out To Maurice with Jeff Daniels AKA The Italian Stallion

Reach for the Stars

LEFT BEHIND

Wellness Check: How YOU doin?!

Half Owl with Ashley McMahan

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

Supply and Demand with Benito Skinner AKA @bennydrama7

Winslet Wellness Check

Health, Wellness and Botox with Arielle Lorre

Funeral Arrangements with Jackie Schimmel

Fried Fridays and Online Dating with guest, Elizabeth Howard

Calories Don't Count, RICK

Has Anyone Seen My Tooth? with Guest Casey Balsham

OASIS GOODTIME EMPORIUM

HEART HEALTHY with guest Christopher Ketner

TWO DICKS TOO MANY

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