Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner: Relational Recovery When You Have CPTSD

Why is embracing darkness and shadow important in healing environments?

Nicole Casteel is a multifaceted healer who integrates breathwork into her diverse practices as a sound healer, songstress, and ritualist, focusing on deep connections to one's inner truth and frequency. She views breathwork as a transformative tool that taps into the body's wisdom, enabling individuals to address deep-seated patterns that traditional mindset work might overlook. In her sessions, Nicole combines music to create a ceremonial environment, enhancing personal resonance and facilitating profound self-discovery and empowerment. She emphasizes the importance of community and self-worth in the healing process, advocating for self-awareness and the integration of shadow work to foster holistic growth.

Wild Heart Resonance

Nicole Casteel on Instagram

Key TakeAways

- Breathwork facilitates deep healing by rewiring patterns at the subconscious level and supporting individuals in reconnecting with their bodies and innate healing capacities.

- Incorporating music in breathwork sessions creates a ceremonial space for individuals to drop into themselves and facilitates deep personal openings and connections.

- The conversation explores the complexities of gender identity and the significance of allowing individuals to express themselves authentically, free from societal pressures.

- Truth is about resonance and deep knowing, surpassing external expectations, and aligning with one's inner frequency to access authentic truth.

- The transformative power of relationships and community in fostering personal growth and self-acceptance is emphasized.

- The importance of proper guidance and self-awareness when delving into psychedelic experiences to avoid potential fragmentation and psychological challenges is highlighted.

- The necessity of embracing darkness and shadow in healing environments without judgment, as well as the importance of discernment in choosing healing spaces that allow for the integration of all aspects of oneself.

Actionable Insights

- Embrace darkness and shadow in healing environments without judgment

- Choose healing spaces that integrate all aspects of oneself

- Engage in inner child work and shadow reclamation for effective healing

- Tap into deeper frequency that resonates with one's truth

- Lean into communities and relationships for support in the healing process

- Seek proper guidance and self-awareness when working with psychedelics

- Recognize the transformative potential of breathwork in facilitating deep healing

Quotes:

“There’s something that —I feel happens with breathwork where you can really tap into that body level awareness of your own power. That, to me, feels like where all of the healing comes to completion.” — Nicole Casteel [8:57]

“The body is the densest, most challenging part where we hold all of our patterns. It is the subconscious mind, so to get to rewire that through embodied practice like breathwork is really the key.” — Nicole Casteel [9:11]

“Music is — the heart of what I do and it really is about creating a space for people to be able to drop into themselves.” — Nicole Casteel [11:45]

“I’ve really been able to tap into my own intuition through the healing I’ve done through breathwork. It’s like I really become this intuitive channel in the breathwork sessions.” — Nicole Casteel [14:08]

“We don’t heal in a vacuum. We have to do the personal process but we also have to have community in order to heal.” — Nicole Casteel [28:23]

What is the role of intimacy in CPTSD recovery?

Erika Straub is an esteemed author and mentor celebrated for her expertise in nervous system regulation and attachment, particularly in the realm of CPTSD recovery. Drawing on her knowledge of Internal Family Systems, attachment theory, and somatics, Erika emphasizes that recovery from CPTSD involves creating safety and intimacy in relationships, allowing individuals to heal and liberate themselves from trauma. She champions the importance of vulnerability and imperfection, encouraging people to show up authentically in their relationships, which fosters acceptance and genuine connection. Through her work, Erika supports individuals in addressing challenges related to intimacy and family dynamics, helping them uncover the transformative power of repairing past wounds and nurturing a safe space for self-expression and growth.

Erika Straub on Instagram

Key TakeAways

- The interconnectedness between the nervous system and attachment system is crucial in CPTSD recovery.

- Finding a safe person is significant for facilitating healing and growth.

- Shame and shutdown responses impact communication and relationships, requiring self-awareness and vulnerability for healing.

- Recognizing the impact of events on the nervous system helps in understanding triggers and promoting personal growth.

- Addressing shame is essential in the healing process, leading to self-discovery and transformation.

- Childhood trauma affects development and recovery, emphasizing the need for healing and self-discovery in adulthood.

- Building safety and trust in relationships is key for deeper connection, intimacy, and emotional well-being.

Actionable Insights

- Find a safe person to facilitate healing in CPTSD recovery

- Recognize and manage responses of shame, fear, and dismissal in interpersonal interactions

- Address shame within shutdown responses to promote healthier relationships

- Acknowledge the impact of events on the nervous system for healing and growth

- Shift from self-blame to self-discovery in the healing process from childhood trauma

- Build safety and trust in intimate relationships for deeper connection and intimacy

- Embrace vulnerability and emotional intimacy to overcome fears and form healthier relationships

Quotes:

“It is so valuable for any of us to have that outside witness. When we’re with someone who can witness, it helps us evolve our own internal witness.” — Erika Straub [0:07:52]

“The thing that makes us feel the safest is connection. If we can’t access that deep level of intimacy and connection with someone, we don’t actually get to experience the full spectrum of safety.” — Erika Straub [0:11:04]

“Shutting down contributes to a lot of anxiety because we’re blanketing everything that we’re feeling and we’re distancing [ourselves], although what we really want is connection.” — Erika Straub [0:18:59]

“Once we actually see and feel shame, we don’t unsee it, which is a beautiful thing. Then, we discover other pockets where it has inserted itself that we could never have seen before.” — Erika Straub [0:24:52]

“Safety creates freedom. That’s where liberation from trauma is. It’s not so much ‘what did happen’ but ‘what can we do to repair it?’ How can I show up imperfectly?” — Erika Straub [0:37:47]

“Once we can reach [a place of emotional intimacy], we access a deeper level of safety and security” — Erika Straub [0:42:10]

What are the key components of personal growth according to Stephanie and Tanner?

Stephanie Anne Hughson is a distinguished confidence and courage mentor, renowned for her role as a business coach and for founding the multimillion-dollar enterprise, Its XO Gingy. With her expertise in social media sales and money mindset, Stephanie passionately empowers individuals to navigate their professional journeys with boldness and self-assurance. She believes that true confidence stems from leading with courage, encouraging people to embrace risks and face fears as a means of building self-trust and personal growth. Through her dynamic presence on platforms like Instagram and her insightful weekly show, the Industry, Stephanie inspires audiences to transform their lives by fostering genuine connections, taking aligned actions, and realizing the empowering potential of courage.

Stephanie Anne Hughson on Instagram

Key TakeAways

- Building a genuine relationship with a mentor is essential for transformative coaching experiences.

- Courage is crucial in developing confidence and self-trust.

- Taking radical responsibility for personal growth and staying committed leads to success.

- Facing vulnerability and inner work is important for personal growth.

- Investing in coaching programs requires taking accountability and trusting the process.

- Long-term commitment and growth in coaching bring about lasting transformation.

- Consistency is key in building trust, especially in social media content for coaching programs.

Actionable Insights

- Focus on building a genuine relationship with a mentor for transformative coaching experiences

- View failure as a learning opportunity rather than a reflection of one's worth

- Take radical responsibility for personal growth, trust oneself, and stay committed

- Face vulnerability and inner work for personal growth

- Invest in coaching programs with personal responsibility and trust in the process

- Prioritize trust and openness in the coach-client relationship for long-lasting benefits

- Emphasize long-term commitment and growth in coaching for lasting transformation beyond immediate results

Quotes

“I have actually, 100%, built my life and business through courage, not even confidence.” — Stephanie Anne Hughson [11:49]

“Courage is evolution, courage keeps us on an edge, and courage keeps us growing.” — Stephanie Anne Hughson [12:50]

“The point of the journey is to make mistakes and do good things. How else do we live?” — Stephanie Anne Hughson [22:31]

“I like to make the small moments really special and that is what I define as the ‘time of my life.’” — Stephanie Anne Hughson [28:44]

“Do not just listen to what the mentor is saying, look at who the mentor is.” — Stephanie Anne Hughson [32:26]

“Coaching is about relationships and every relationship has a different timeline and a different journey.” — Stephanie Anne Hughson [42:25]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

What sparked Tanner's commitment to healing and trauma recovery?

The journey of recovering from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is a deeply personal and transformative process, encompassing a range of emotional, psychological, and spiritual dimensions. Tanner's perspective on this journey has been significantly shaped by her passion for learning and self-improvement, which led him to explore various transformative systems and processes. Inspired by Pete Walker's insights on complex trauma, Tanner embraced a holistic approach, integrating developmental insights and Attachment Restoration with both conscious and unconscious efforts. Her dedication to understanding the multifaceted nature of trauma inspired him to create the "5 Circuits of Healing Power," a curriculum that combines spiritual practices and self-discovery, aiming to guide others in aligning with their true selves. Through this comprehensive framework, Tanner not only navigates her own path of healing but also offers coaching and mentorship to those seeking to reclaim their spiritual and emotional well-being.

Key TakeAways

- Recognizing and addressing trauma in life can lead to pivotal moments of realization and change

- A multi-pronged approach to trauma recovery is essential over time

- Developing a curriculum based on personal trauma recovery experience can guide others in their healing journey

- Embodying self-energy and restoring soul-spirit connections are crucial in trauma recovery

- Integrated trauma energy transmutations can align individuals with their True Selves

Actionable Insights

- Recognize the root of personal struggles for effective recovery

- Focus on addressing internal and external attachment restoration in trauma recovery

- Develop a holistic intervention approach for comprehensive healing

- Explore spiritual practices and self-discovery in the healing journey

- Offer coaching experiences and guidance based on personal recovery experiences

Quotes

“Life and my trauma interrupted a lot of that curiosity, a lot of those open-ended expansive pursuits of knowledge, and were replaced by a more performative drive to accomplish, achieve, procure validity and status in the scientific community.” — Tanner [02:55]

“When you’ve grown up in a constant state of survival physiology activation in a trauma ecosystem, chaos, stress, [and] dysregulation all feel so normative.” — Tanner  [05:17]

“Divine archetypal resonance, the Elemental Medicine, the activation sequence of the Gene Keys, the understanding of Human Design, lineage journeying, these realms across timelines and time-based experiences moving into the spiritual realm; this has been a huge focus of my journey.” — Tanner [25:35]

“Season 9 is a chance for me to open up a window, a portal, and pull the curtain open and show you the energy, the minds, the bodies, the voices, the inspirations, the knowings, the wisdom, the designs, the gene keys behind the humans who have supported my own journey.” — Tanner [30:33]

“Having to heal yourself from the inside out and alchemize the energy of trauma, gives you really pristine, pure, potent ways of showing up in your life.” — Tanner Wallace [33:46]

Why is it important to identify Protective Part frequencies for personal empowerment in complex trauma recovery?

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is a multifaceted condition that encompasses a range of symptom categories, often stemming from prolonged exposure to traumatic experiences. These symptoms can include a pervasive loss of meaning, feelings of betrayal, and the presence of protective parts that obstruct personal growth. Tanner, in season eight of this podcast, offers a fresh perspective on CPTSD symptom categories, arguing that they fail to encapsulate the true complexity of the condition. Tanner's approach is deeply influenced by her belief in the transformative power of spiritual and soul-level healing, emphasizing the necessity of Unburdening oneself from external energies to amplify Self Energy. She advocates for a restorative reframing of thoughts as a pathway to personal empowerment and Self Leadership, viewing this as a crucial step in overcoming the challenges posed by complex trauma.

Key TakeAways

- Understanding and addressing the loss of a meaning system is crucial in CPTSD recovery

- Reframing thoughts is essential for restoring access to self-energy and personal power in complex trauma recovery

- Identifying Protective Part frequencies is key to Unburdening non-native energy and enhancing Self Energy

- Shadowy Protective Parts play a significant role in personal growth and trauma recovery

- Love-based frequencies and self-energy are important in healing trauma without external validation

- Affirmations are powerful tools for connecting with oneself and promoting healing in a collective community

Actionable Insights

- Address the loss of a meaning system experienced by individuals with CPTSD

- Reframe thoughts in CPTSD recovery for restoring self-energy

- Identify and address Protective Part frequencies for personal empowerment

- Recognize shadowy Protective Parts to navigate trauma recovery

- Use love-based frequencies to heal trauma and increase self-energy

- Discover and connect with affirmations that deeply resonate for healing

Quotes:

“The idea that the Protective Parts of us don’t have a meaning system is wildly inaccurate. In fact, they have developed a very well-articulated, well-versed meaning system around [the idea that] ’something is wrong with the human I inhabit.’” — Tanner  [0:03:02]

“The one task you have in recovery from complex trauma is to unburden your system of all non-native energy such that you can amplify your self-energy, which allows you to be in a place of personal power and self-leadership to make all the decisions in your life.” — Tanner  [0:12:02]

“We’re not flawed. We’re not broken. We’re running about 18 different energies [depending on what] time of day it is and whoever is in our relational field. Cleaning this up is a matter of amplifying self-energy.” — Tanner  [0:28:56]

“Love is what transmutes trauma. Love heals trauma.” — Tanner  [0:32:46]

Ready for your next powerful step? Amplifying your Self Energy transforms not just your healing journey, but how you lead yourself, your family, and your lineage into sovereignty. The Self Energy as Sacred Leadership 4-part email series introduces you to the CPTSD Medicine perspective on Self Energy, helping you see how to dissolve trauma energies through intentional amplification of your innate Self Energy.

Start Amplifying Your Self Energy Here →

Why is it important to address Protective Parts in trauma recovery?

The journey of recovering from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is a profound and transformative experience, involving the unraveling of deep-seated traumas and the rebuilding of one's sense of self. Tanner, a former university professor, has devoted her life to guiding survivors through this intricate process using a unique blend of techniques including coaching, Parts Work, and Divine archetypal resonance. Her rich academic background and personal encounters with trauma have shaped his perspective, which centers on the importance of survivor-led recovery. Tanner advocates for a process driven by faith and self-leadership, believing in the power of individuals to transmute their trauma into empowerment. Through her Five Circuits of Healing Power program, she emphasizes a collaborative approach that honors each survivor's original narrative and encourages a transformative journey of self-discovery and healing.

Key TakeAways

- Tanner provides a comprehensive curriculum for CPTSD recovery through coaching, Parts Work, Gene Keys, and human design.

- Survivors are encouraged to deepen their understanding and connection to their true selves through long-term mentorship and coaching containers.

- Tanner emphasizes faith, self-leadership, and commitment to healing in survivor-led trauma recovery.

- Protective Parts develop skewed narratives around worthiness, goodness, and lovability influenced by past trauma and survival instincts.

- Confident Self Energy can offer alternative interpretations to Protective Parts, easing burdens and providing hope for healing.

Actionable Insights

- Embrace survivor-led trauma recovery and Self Leadership

- Recognize and validate misconceptions created by Protective Parts

- Approach Protective Parts with compassion and offer alternative perspectives

- Understand the sequential unveiling of protective parts' layers

- Navigate the complexities of healing from complex trauma by understanding the interplay of Protective Parts and Self Energy

Quotes

“I am clearer than I’ve ever been before that we truly are leading a survivor-led trauma recovery revolution.” — Tanner  [5:39]

“Our soul is connected to our earthly, human experience. Our spirit is connected to the beyond, boundless oneness we have with the universe.” — Tanner  [16:34] 

“The fear is: If we have a little bit of hope, if we try this healing out, if we see what’s on the other side of letting go of the despair, letting go of this belief [that] nothing will ever get better  — if we let go of that, what happens if we can’t heal?” — Tanner [18:11]

“Once trust is there in self, once confidence is there in self, [then] there is openness to receiving alternative meaning-making.” — Tanner  [22:53]

Why is inner child healing important for Unburdening past experiences?

Inner child healing is a transformative process that involves reconnecting with the youthful essence within us to address and heal past traumas. It is a practice that fosters self-compassion and encourages the integration of all parts of oneself, paving the way for emotional release and personal growth. From Tanner's perspective, inner child healing is crucial for those recovering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), as it allows individuals to reconnect with their core innocence and innate power. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and processing past traumas, which often have been buried or denied, in order to align with one's True Self. Through practices that encourage being present in the body and emotions, Tanner advocates for the release of suppressed emotions and the integration of both dark and light experiences to achieve healing and transformation.

Key TakeAways

- Healing trauma involves reconnecting with past burdened parts through inner work and self-compassion.

- Embracing vulnerability and engaging in somatic experiences are key for trauma recovery and transformation.

- Inner child healing and forgiveness play a crucial role in the process of unburdening and restoring lost innocence.

- Integrating different parts of oneself into a cohesive inner community is essential for healing past traumas and creating a unified sense of self.

Actionable Insights

- Embrace vulnerability for healing and transformation

- Engage in somatic experiences for healing

- Connect with and offer forgiveness to your inner child

- Create a safe space for healing and inner alignment

Quotess:

“CPTSD recovery as a journey is about the restoration of innocence. Inno-cence. It is an inner sense of the innocence [or] what we have lost along the way.” — Tanner  [0:04:57]

“I am whole. I am complete. I am worthy. I am beautiful. I am magnificent.” — Tanner  [0:07:15]

“Whatever happened, however long it [happened for], that is not you!” — Tanner  [0:17:48]

How does trauma affect relationships and what are some common outcomes?

Detachment from trauma is a complex topic that explains how individuals separate themselves from past traumatic experiences in an effort to cope. This disconnection can often lead to unintended consequences that affect both personal well-being and interpersonal relationships. Tanner, a CPTSD Recovery Guide, offers a unique perspective on this issue, shaped by both her professional role and personal experiences. She discusses the internal struggles she faces in balancing boundaries with responsibilities and the importance of nurturing resistant parts of oneself. Tanner's insights, drawn from his journey of addressing trauma in her life and those around her, underscore the need for open communication, accountability, and empowerment to prevent the damaging effects of unaddressed trauma. Through her work, Tanner advocates for a compassionate approach to healing, where acknowledging and reprocessing traumatic experiences can lead to personal and communal growth.

Key TakeAways

- The importance of befriending and nurturing parts of oneself that resist to effectively guide individuals through their recovery journey.

- The damaging effects of trauma when left unaddressed and the need to hold individuals accountable.

- The impact of trauma on relationships, including detachment, trust issues, and self-blame.

- The transformative power of accountability and healing in restoring trust and empowering individuals to confront past traumas.

Actionable Insights

- Befriend and nurture the parts of ourselves that resist in order to effectively guide individuals through their recovery journey

- Empower children to assert boundaries and communicate openly about traumatic experiences

- Hold individuals and society accountable for addressing past traumas to restore trust and empowerment

- Approach trauma-related issues with love, compassion, and openness to promote healing and self-understanding

Quotes:

“So many of us experience – something [happening] to us [that] hurt us and robbed us of our humanity and we never speak about it again. We pretend that it didn’t happen.” — Tanner  [0:08:57]

“The perpetrator-victim roles serve a destabilization to uniform power [and] a destabilization of harmony.” — Tanner  [0:15:45]

“I encourage you to – open your heart to any instance where you detached from a trauma.” — Tanner  [0:19:38]

How can reframing relationships help in the journey of healing from CPTSD?

The CPTSD Recovery Podcast offers a compelling exploration of the intricate challenges faced by individuals navigating relationships while dealing with Complex PTSD. Episode 85 specifically tackles how chaotic and conflict-laden relationships can serve as catalysts for personal growth and healing, utilizing concepts like "Self Energy" from Richard Schwartz's Internal Family Systems to facilitate this transformation. Tanner, a host and advocate for CPTSD recovery, shares her personal journey through tumultuous relationships, underscoring the profound impact that complex trauma has on one's relational experiences. Drawing from her own struggles, Tanner emphasizes the transformative power of staying committed to the recovery process, highlighting that true healing encompasses much more than improving relationships—it involves discovering unexpected gifts and developing a refreshed perspective on life and humanity.

Key TakeAways

- Reframing relationships as opportunities for growth and Self Empowerment can serve as a training ground for healing and transformation in CPTSD recovery.

- Self energy, characterized by love, compassion, confidence, and courage, requires purification for optimal functioning and plays a crucial role in healing and connection.

- Unburdening protective part energies, wounded younger part energy, and legacy burdens are essential in the journey of recovering from complex trauma.

- Low levels of self energy can lead to unhealthy relational patterns like avoidance or conflict in CPTSD recovery, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and enhancing self energy.

- Achieving deep self embodiment, where self energy is predominant, is vital in preventing further trauma and fostering healing in the CPTSD recovery journey.

Actionable Insights 

- Reframe relationships as opportunities for growth and self-empowerment

- Recognize and unburden protective part energies in trauma recovery

- Enhance Self Energy to change unhealthy relational patterns in CPTSD recovery

- Achieve deep self-embodiment by connecting with Self Energy

- Release energies not aligned with Self Energy to foster healing in the recovery journey

Quotes:

“All of us have this core of healing power inside of us that was gifted to us at birth.” —  Tanner  [11:46]

“In my personal experience and my clinical experience with clients, there typically, in the case of CPTSD, is a degradation to self-energy. It is not damaged, but is corrupt in some ways.” — Tanner  [12:45]

“Everything about healing is embodied, not only in what we do but who we are as a human and the frequency at which we vibrate.” — Tanner [21:06]

“[Being] self-centered is incredibly appropriate and necessary for the bulk of your CPTSD recovery journey.” — Tanner  [30:25]

“Once you have reached Self Embodiment, the really active CPTSD recovery is complete.” — Tanner [32:54]

What is the difference between external and internal Attachment Restoration in healing from Complex PTSD?

The topic of internal versus external Attachment Restoration plays a crucial role in understanding and healing from Complex PTSD, offering insights into how individuals can recover from the deep-rooted impacts of childhood trauma. Tanner, an advocate for holistic healing, highlights the necessity of both external and internal restoration, with a particular emphasis on the latter as the true source of personal empowerment and core strength. Drawing from experiences within trauma ecosystems, Tanner believes that while supportive relational environments are necessary, profound healing is achieved by addressing one's own inner dynamics, untangling fear-based beliefs, and fostering self-awareness. By facilitating temporary separations or compassionate space in relationships, Tanner suggests individuals can focus on internal restoration, ultimately transforming both internal and external relational patterns.

Key TakeAways

- External Attachment Restoration and internal Attachment Restoration are crucial in healing from CPTSD.

- Protective parts influence how an individual views the world, interprets emotions, and responds to threats.

- Fear-based beliefs and survival strategies can lead to codependency and burnout.

- Childhood experiences can impact individuals' ability to trust others and create challenges in relationships.

- Autonomy wounding patterns from childhood can influence choices, approval-seeking behaviors, and relational dynamics.

- Embracing imperfections, authenticity, and self-care are essential for overcoming patterns related to love and sex.

Actionable Insights

- Create safe relational contexts to support recovery work

- Address relationship difficulties early through temporary separations or compassionate communication

- Engage in evidence-based healing activities to build trust within oneself

- Establish healthy boundaries to counteract codependency tendencies

- Understand imperfections and allow oneself to make mistakes

- Prioritize self-care and shift away from seeking validation through external attractiveness

Quotes:

“In CPTSD recovery, what we're trying to do is raise your baseline of functioning, raise your baseline of nervous system regulation.” — Tanner  [05:38]

“There's a lot of collateral damage from childhood trauma that results in complex trauma, or complex PTSD.” — Tanner [11:12]

“Protective parts are a hugely important thing to pay attention to in a CPTSD recovery journey because they hold so much wisdom of what the system has been doing to make it to this point.” — Tanner  [12:57] 

“These unwinding mantras are about increasing tolerance for uncertainty and vulnerability in the relational field.” — Tanner [21:00]

“You can have several of these wounding patterns. You can have all of these wounding patterns. I suggest, in a recovery sequence, you pick one to focus on at a time and then bring in other ones as you feel settled and integrated with the one you started with.” — Tanner  [42:27]