Real Healing vs Transactional Healing

*** Bluntcake Episode ***

Watch after checking with your capacity and availability for hearing information that can be confronting.

***

Often, we get into the healing work in order to try to fix, prevent, or cause something else to happen.  This fast becomes a trap, as we start expecting specific results from our efforts.  When those do not materialize, we get angry with our emotions, our efforts, ourselves, or others.

It leads to a sense of defeat, frustration, and seeking different "instant healing" solutions.

This is transactional healing.

To really heal, we must identify and interrupt this habit and begin practicing real healing.

Learn how in this episode!


***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***

[The 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently Workshop]

This 1-day training is for codependents, perfectionists, and people-pleasers who have struggled to find healing in their private therapy or self-help efforts.  

I will show you why your efforts to heal from codependency haven't worked, why that is NOT your fault, and I will give you my proven strategy that makes ends your needs for codependency permanently.

Specifically, you will learn:

1) What the actual cause of codependent behaviors is and how that unlocks permanent healing

2) The 3 Necessities that drive your well-being and happiness

3) The 8 factors that end codependency permanently while creating a life you enjoy

You will also receive your opportunities to enroll in my 8-week foundation Live training, The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings.  These trainings guide through implementing the essential practices and concepts that nurture the 8 Factors of Well-being in your daily life.

Here are the workshop details:

Date: April 26, 2023

Class Time: 11am and 6pm Mountain Time (I teach it twice for your convenience)

Investment: Free

Replay Availability:  The replay will be available April 27, 2023

Reserve your seat here: https://workshop.freetheself.com

The Essentials: Warmly Welcome Emotions

Today we will practice welcoming emotions warmly and what to watch out for.

***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***

[The 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently Workshop]

This 1-day training is for codependents, perfectionists, and people-pleasers who have struggled to find healing in their private therapy or self-help efforts.  

I will show you why your efforts to heal from codependency haven't worked, why that is NOT your fault, and I will give you my proven strategy that makes ends your needs for codependency permanently.

Specifically, you will learn:

1) What the actual cause of codependent behaviors is and how that unlocks permanent healing

2) The 3 Necessities that drive your well-being and happiness

3) The 8 factors that end codependency permanently while creating a life you enjoy

You will also receive your opportunities to enroll in my 8-week foundation Live training, The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings.  These trainings guide through implementing the essential practices and concepts that nurture the 8 Factors of Well-being in your daily life.

Here are the workshop details:

Date: April 26, 2023

Class Time: 11am and 6pm Mountain Time (I teach it twice for your convenience)

Investment: Free

Replay Availability:  The replay will be available April 27, 2023

Reserve your seat here: https://workshop.freetheself.com

The Rush To Forgive is A Rush To Fix

The rush to forgive is a rush to fix. This is the fawn impulse driving us to regulate our distress and discomfort with their feelings, as well as try to prevent more harm happening by rescinding the accountability the other person inherited with their behaviors.   

Learn how I address this and help nurture more safety and personal allyship to my emotions and experience in today's episode.

***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***

[The 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently Workshop]

This 1-day training is for codependents, perfectionists, and people-pleasers who have struggled to find healing in their private therapy or self-help efforts.  

I will show you why your efforts to heal from codependency haven't worked, why that is NOT your fault, and I will give you my proven strategy that makes ends your needs for codependency permanently.

Specifically, you will learn:

1) What the actual cause of codependent behaviors is and how that unlocks permanent healing

2) The 3 Necessities that drive your well-being and happiness

3) The 8 factors that end codependency permanently while creating a life you enjoy

You will also receive your opportunities to enroll in my 8-week foundation Live training, The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings.  These trainings guide through implementing the essential practices and concepts that nurture the 8 Factors of Well-being in your daily life.

Here are the workshop details:

Date: April 26, 2023

Class Time: 11am and 6pm Mountain Time (I teach it twice for your convenience)

Investment: Free

Replay Availability:  The replay will be available April 27, 2023

Reserve your seat here: https://workshop.freetheself.com

Are You Ultra-Independent?

Do you say, "I don't need anyone!"

You are in a trap.  The trap called "counter-dependence".

Counter-dependence develops as a reaction to the enmeshment experience of codependency. 

For many, enmeshment and connection are confused with each other.  The deep sense of being highly close or engulfed by another feels intense.  It is often draining, overwhelming, scary, with moments of ecstacy and euphoria. It can be very, very painful.

They give everything to the relationship, believing that is was is required, and that it will be reciprocated.  "This is what love does!"

Then that is betrayed, discarded, or goes unrecognized.  This ends up hurting them deeply emotionally and relationally, and often financially.  They may lose everything they've built and be left exposed, unprepared, and dealing with big challenges.

This can motivate a person to move towards never "needing anyone" or "depending on anyone". This is a means to safety, to control, and to protection of one's self from the big harm and loss they've experienced.

The person becomes very empowered financially and materially.  They also isolate socially and emotionally, keeping opportunities at arm's length and avoiding vulnerability and connection.

This is a trap, as we are left starving for emotional, physical, social, and psychological connection.

Learn how to identify this trap and how to get out of it in today's episode!

***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***

[The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings Starts March 12, 2023]

This LIVE 8-week training is for codependents, people-pleasers, and perfectionists that:

- Feel like there's something crucial they're missing in their healing work
- Are stuck in a circle of relapse and "trying to not be codependent"
- Feel lost and frustrated not knowing what to do to get real peace and healing

There are 8 necessary factors that create lasting healing and freedom from codependency:

- Safety
- Sanity
- Personal Sovereignty
- Trust Yourself
- Know Yourself
- Love Yourself
- Be Yourself
- Share Yourself

I will be teaching the essential skills and knowledge in each of these factors starting March 12, 2023 in my 8-week course, "The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings".

This includes:

- Origin of Codependency & Nervous System Care
- Capacity & Emotional Care
- Foundations of Personal Power
- Foundations of Self-Trust
- Fantasy and Reality
- Foundations of Worth
- Foundations of Knowing Yourself
- Detecting Safe People & Buliding Resources

These eight trainings give you the crucial knowledge, tools, and practices needed to transition your codependent habits into healthy relating habits that create well-being, peace, and happiness FOR YOU.

You'll be empowered to create these results because:

- You'll be able to identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies and connect with reality
- You'll be able to soothe and care for your anxiety, pain, grief, and other emotions
- You'll be cultivating trust in yourself
- You'll be discovering your real worth
- You'll be starting to really know and distinguish yourself from others
- You'll be able to detect and build connection with safe people

Students that have learned these skills report:

- Feeling big relief from trying so hard to fix themselves
- More confiden

Does Approval Equal Permission For You?

Codependency has our authority and personal power attached to other people's perspectives, feelings, and ultimately their approval and rejection responses.

This is why we often fixate on and try to control someone's approval of us.  We believe it grants us permission for certain things.

This permission can pertain to one's worth (I'm worthy because they love me).  It can pertain to permission to do or have certain things (They like this, so it is safe for me to have).

This is an externalization of our power and a centering of the other person in our personal power.  They become the authority.

To heal and be free of codependency, we must liberate our power by taking ownership of it.

Learn how I do this in today's episode.


***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***

[The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings Starts March 12, 2023]

This LIVE 8-week training is for codependents, people-pleasers, and perfectionists that:

- Feel like there's something crucial they're missing in their healing work
- Are stuck in a circle of relapse and "trying to not be codependent"
- Feel lost and frustrated not knowing what to do to get real peace and healing

There are 8 necessary factors that create lasting healing and freedom from codependency:

- Safety
- Sanity
- Personal Sovereignty
- Trust Yourself
- Know Yourself
- Love Yourself
- Be Yourself
- Share Yourself

I will be teaching the essential skills and knowledge in each of these factors starting March 12, 2023 in my 8-week course, "The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings".

This includes:

- Origin of Codependency & Nervous System Care
- Capacity & Emotional Care
- Foundations of Personal Power
- Foundations of Self-Trust
- Fantasy and Reality
- Foundations of Worth
- Foundations of Knowing Yourself
- Detecting Safe People & Building Resources

These eight trainings give you the crucial knowledge, tools, and practices needed to transition your codependent habits into healthy relating habits that create well-being, peace, and happiness FOR YOU.

You'll be empowered to create these results because:

- You'll be able to identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies and connect with reality
- You'll be able to soothe and care for your anxiety, pain, grief, and other emotions
- You'll be cultivating trust in yourself
- You'll be discovering your real worth
- You'll be starting to really know and distinguish yourself from others
- You'll be able to detect and build connection with safe people

Students that have learned these skills report:

- Feeling big relief from trying so hard to fix themselves
- More confidence in being able to acknowledge what they feel, what is happening, and act from that knowledge
- More peace because they can see what is really happening
- Relief because they know what to do instead of their codependency!

Course Details:

Here's the Class Details:

Class start date: Sunday, March 12, 2023 @ 12pm Mountain Time

Class times:  Sundays @ 12pm Mountain Time

Where: Via zoom

End date: May 7th, 2023

Recordings of each class available the evening of class day.

Comes with 24/7, unlimited access to the recordings and live classes.

You get UNLIMITED ACCESS TO:

- Live attendance (in

Do You Feel Lost Without A Relationship?  Here's Why and What To Do About It

Codependency has us orienting ourselves around other people, places, and things as a means to creating safety, connection, and a sense of worth.  It does this as it is a reaction to chronic unsafe relationships.

If this starts in childhood, we never really learn how to orient to ourselves and become self-directed.  Instead, we become lost in the worlds of others.  We center our lives around them, their wants, their needs, their experience, and fail to come to know ourselves.

This is one primary reason narcissistic brains and codependent brains pair up.  The narcissistic brain demands to be the center of the universe.  The codependent brain agrees and orbits them.

When we leave that relationship, we feel lost, empty, and undefined - like we don't exist.

The solution is to know yourself, and that starts with centering yourself in your life.

Learn how I make this happen in today's episode:

***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***

[The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings Starts March 12, 2023]

This LIVE 8-week training is for codependents, people-pleasers, and perfectionists that:

- Feel like there's something crucial they're missing in their healing work
- Are stuck in a circle of relapse and "trying to not be codependent"
- Feel lost and frustrated not knowing what to do to get real peace and healing

There are 8 necessary factors that create lasting healing and freedom from codependency:

- Safety
- Sanity
- Personal Sovereignty
- Trust Yourself
- Know Yourself
- Love Yourself
- Be Yourself
- Share Yourself

I will be teaching the essential skills and knowledge in each of these factors starting March 12, 2023 in my 8-week course, "The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings".

This includes:

- Origin of Codependency & Nervous System Care
- Capacity & Emotional Care
- Foundations of Personal Power
- Foundations of Self-Trust
- Fantasy and Reality
- Foundations of Worth
- Foundations of Knowing Yourself
- Detecting Safe People & Buliding Resources

These eight trainings give you the crucial knowledge, tools, and practices needed to transition your codependent habits into healthy relating habits that create well-being, peace, and happiness FOR YOU.

You'll be empowered to create these results because:

- You'll be able to identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies and connect with reality
- You'll be able to soothe and care for your anxiety, pain, grief, and other emotions
- You'll be cultivating trust in yourself
- You'll be discovering your real worth
- You'll be starting to really know and distinguish yourself from others
- You'll be able to detect and build connection with safe people

Students that have learned these skills report:

- Feeling big relief from trying so hard to fix themselves
- More confidence in being able to acknowledge what they feel, what is happening, and act from that knowledge
- More peace because they can see what is really happening
- Relief because they know what to do instead of their codependency!

Course Details:

Here's the Class Details:

Class start date: Sunday, March 12, 2023 @ 12pm Mountain Time

Class times:  Sundays @ 12pm Mountain Time

Where: Via zoom

End date: May 7th, 2023

Recordi

Bluntcake: People-pleasing sabotages connection and belonging

Note: Bluntcake episodes are more direct and firm information that can be confronting, especially when looking at one's own behaviors. Please check in with your capacity before listening or watching. Doing so helps you make an informed choice about listening to information that may bring some activation to your body.  This allows you to take responsible action on your behalf on what you take into your daily experience and how it affects you.

People-pleasing is the habit of doing things for others that we believe will cause them to like or choose us.  It is a form of worth-seeking that is driven by a fear that rejection defines one's worth.

It is one of the six core expressions of codependency.  

It's opposite is being yourself, asking directly for what you want, and receiving the outcomes.

Learn what to do to disengage people-pleasing and make asking and sharing yourself safer and easier in today's episode!


***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***
[The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings]

There are 8 necessary factors that create lasting healing and freedom from codependency:

 Safety
 Sanity
 Personal Sovereignty
 Trust Yourself
 Know Yourself
 Love Yourself
 Be Yourself
 Share Yourself

I will be teaching the essential skills and knowledge in each of these factors starting March 12, 2023 in my 8-week course, "The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings".

These eight trainings give you the crucial knowledge, tools, and practices needed to transition your codependent habits into healthy relating habits that create well-being, peace, and happiness FOR YOU.

You'll create these results because:

- You'll be able to identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies and connect with reality
- You'll be able to soothe and care for your anxiety, pain, grief, and other emotions
- You'll be cultivating trust in yourself
- You'll be discovering your real worth
- You'll be starting to really know and distinguish yourself from others
- You'll be able to detect and build connection with safe people

Students that have learned these skills report:

- Feeling big relief from trying so hard to fix themselves
- More confidence in being able to acknowledge what they feel, what is happening, and act from that knowledge
- More peace because they can see what is really happening
- Relief because they know what to do instead of their codependency!

Come join us and master the essential skills and knowledge that set you free from codependency.

If so, join us! 

Here's the Class Details:

Class start date: Sunday, March 12, 2023 @ 12pm Mountain Time

Class times:  Sundays @ 12pm Mountain Time

Where: Via zoom

End date: May 7th, 2023

You get UNLIMITED ACCESS TO:

- Live attendance (includes all future live versions)
- The recordings of the live classes
- The course guide, tools, and practices
- Unlimited online community support and email support

Price is normally $297.00, but you can enroll for $149.00 till March 11th, 2023 (payment plans available)

Enrollment closes March 11th, 2023 for the live class version!

You can enroll here: https://hcet.freetheself.com

You can heal.  All you need is the right knowledge, the right practices, with the right support, at the right time.

Capacity is the most often overlooked, underdiscussed element of safety in healing work.  It is mentioned, but its role is not emphasized or prioritized.

What is capacity?  It is the amount of something a person can receive or contribute.

Codependency creates a habit of exceeding one's capacity by ignoring it entirely due to how capacity is treated by entitled persons. It is often vilified as a terrible "limit" that is making one "selfish".  It is seen as a flaw and a problem that must be fixed. 

Fundamentally, one's capacity is a boundary, one that promotes well-being, peace, energy, and personal prosperity when acknowledged, trusted, and followed.

Learn how to detect your capacity and begin trusting it in today's episode!


***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***

[The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings Starts March 12, 2023]

This LIVE 8-week training is for codependents, people-pleasers, and perfectionists that:

- Feel like there's something crucial they're missing in their healing work
- Are stuck in a circle of relapse and "trying to not be codependent"
- Feel lost and frustrated not knowing what to do to get real peace and healing

There are 8 necessary factors that create lasting healing and freedom from codependency:

- Safety
- Sanity
- Personal Sovereignty
- Trust Yourself
- Know Yourself
- Love Yourself
- Be Yourself
- Share Yourself

I will be teaching the essential skills and knowledge in each of these factors starting March 12, 2023 in my 8-week course, "The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings".

This includes:

- Origin of Codependency & Nervous System Care
- Capacity & Emotional Care
- Foundations of Personal Power
- Foundations of Self-Trust
- Fantasy and Reality
- Foundations of Worth
- Foundations of Knowing Yourself
- Detecting Safe People & Building Resources

These eight trainings give you the crucial knowledge, tools, and practices needed to transition your codependent habits into healthy relating habits that create well-being, peace, and happiness FOR YOU.

You'll be empowered to create these results because:

- You'll be able to identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies and connect with reality
- You'll be able to soothe and care for your anxiety, pain, grief, and other emotions
- You'll be cultivating trust in yourself
- You'll be discovering your real worth
- You'll be starting to really know and distinguish yourself from others
- You'll be able to detect and build connection with safe people

Students that have learned these skills report:

- Feeling big relief from trying so hard to fix themselves
- More confidence in being able to acknowledge what they feel, what is happening, and act from that knowledge
- More peace because they can see what is really happening
- Relief because they know what to do instead of their codependency!

Course Details:

Here's the Class Details:

Class start date: Sunday, March 12, 2023 @ 12pm Mountain Time

Class times:  Sundays @ 12pm Mountain Time

Where: Via zoom

End date: May 7th, 2023

Recordings of each class available the evening of class day.

Comes with 24/7, unlimited access to the recordings and live classes.

You get UNLIMITED ACCESS TO:

- Live attendance (includes all future live versions)
- The recordings o

Doubt That Your Feelings Matter Or Are Valid? Here's What To Do

The Essentials: How To Feel Emotionally Safe Again - The Necessity Of Believing Your Emotions Are Valid And Real

Gaslighting and abuse cause us to doubt ourselves in core areas of our reality:  our lived experience, our senses, our memory recall, our perception, and the validity of our emotions.

When we do not believe that our feelings are legitimate or real, we begin to question our lived experiences and perceptions that cause us to feel like we're crazy.

We also begin to believe that our emotions are signals that we're broken, wrong, or need fixing.

This leaves us open to being manipulated and further harmed by unhealthy relationships and systems.

The solution to this starts with the believing that our emotions are both real and valid.  I call this practice, "legitimization".

Learn how it works in today's episode!

Today's tool: The A-L-I Practice. Get it here: https://ali.freetheself.com


***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***

[The 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently Workshop]

This 1-day training is for codependents, perfectionists, and people-pleasers who have struggled to find healing in their private therapy or self-help efforts.  

I will show you why your efforts to heal from codependency haven't worked, why that is NOT your fault, and I will give you my proven strategy that makes ends your needs for codependency permanently.

Specifically, you will learn:

1) What the actual cause of codependent behaviors is and how that unlocks permanent healing

2) The 3 Necessities that drive your well-being and happiness

3) The 8 factors that end codependency permanently while creating a life you enjoy

You will also receive your opportunities to enroll in my 8-week foundation Live training, The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings.  These trainings guide through implementing the essential practices and concepts that nurture the 8 Factors of Well-being in your daily life.

Here are the workshop details:

Date: February 22, 2023

Class Time: 11am and 6pm Mountain Time (I teach it twice for your convenience)

Investment: Free

Replay Availability:  The replay will be available February 23, 2023

Reserve your seat here: https://workshop.freetheself.com

"I'm not supposed to care what people think"

Do you try to get yourself to stop caring about what others think about you?

Do you feel like a failure when you inevitably start feeling that anxiety about what they think about you?

Does it feel impossible to stop caring about what other people think about you?

Congrats! You are normal!

Caring what others think about us is a result of being part of an interdependent experience.  We survive and thrive in collectives, not in isolation, so we have a natural concern around other people's feelings and thoughts about us.

But in codependency, what others think takes on significant weight and power as we tend to enmesh our identity, worth, and safety with the approval or rejection of others.

Learn what to do about this and how to properly orient your concern about what others think about you so it works for you rather than against you in today's training!


***

Seeking help in healing codependency? Join The Heal Your Codependency Community and get access to weekly experiments, practices, and support in your healing journey: https://community.freetheself.com


***

Connect with me on social media and via email, and learn more about how I heal codependency permanently even when therapy and self-help efforts have failed you: https://links.freetheself.com

***
[The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings]

There are 8 necessary factors that create lasting healing and freedom from codependency:

 Safety
 Sanity
 Personal Sovereignty
 Trust Yourself
 Know Yourself
 Love Yourself
 Be Yourself
 Share Yourself

I will be teaching the essential skills and knowledge in each of these factors starting March 12, 2023 in my 8-week course, "The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings".

These eight trainings give you the crucial knowledge, tools, and practices needed to transition your codependent habits into healthy relating habits that create well-being, peace, and happiness FOR YOU.

You'll create these results because:

- You'll be able to identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies and connect with reality
- You'll be able to soothe and care for your anxiety, pain, grief, and other emotions
- You'll be cultivating trust in yourself
- You'll be discovering your real worth
- You'll be starting to really know and distinguish yourself from others
- You'll be able to detect and build connection with safe people

Students that have learned these skills report:

- Feeling big relief from trying so hard to fix themselves
- More confidence in being able to acknowledge what they feel, what is happening, and act from that knowledge
- More peace because they can see what is really happening
- Relief because they know what to do instead of their codependency!

Come join us and master the essential skills and knowledge that set you free from codependency.

If so, join us! 

Here's the Class Details:

Class start date: Sunday, March 12, 2023 @ 12pm Mountain Time

Class times:  Sundays @ 12pm Mountain Time

Where: Via zoom

End date: May 7th, 2023

You get UNLIMITED ACCESS TO:

- Live attendance (includes all future live versions)
- The recordings of the live classes
- The course guide, tools, and practices
- Unlimited online community support and email support

Price is normally $297.00, but you can enroll for $149.00 till March 11th, 2023 (payment plans available)

Enrollment closes March 11th, 2023 for the live class version!

You can enroll here: https://hcet.freetheself.com

You can heal.  All you need is the right knowledge, the right practices, with the right support, at the right time.