Stuck Not Broken

We talk in depth about why it's not necessarily helpful to ask "why" to someone you're listening to. We also talk about eyes and eyebrows when it comes to communication and what you may be signaling. PLUS we talk about the fact that you don't need to listen to someone if you aren't ready. Maybe it's best to wait until you're in your safe/social state!

Great episode for friends, family and therapists.

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Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

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1. You really try to understand me, even if I’m not making much sense.
2. You grasp my point of view, even when it’s against your own sincere convictions.
3. You realize the hour I took from you has left you a bit tired and a bit drained.
4. You allow me the dignity of making my own decisions, even though you think they may be wrong.
5. You do not take my problem from me but allow me to deal with it in my own way.
6. You hold back the desire to give me good advice.
7. You do not offer me religious solace when I am not ready for it.
8. You give me enough room to discover for myself what is really going on.
9. You accept my gratitude by telling me how good it makes you feel to know that you have been helpful.

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We look back on the 4 ways to express love that your child will experience as love and apply it to teens. Yes, they need your love too!

the 4 Ways to Express Love episode - https://www.justinlmft.com/post/episode27

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7 ways that you are not listening:

1. You say you understand.
2. You say you have an answer before you've heard the problem.
3. You cut someone off before they finish speaking.
4. You finish someone's sentences.
5. You're dying to tell me something while I am talking.
6. You share your experiences instead.
7. You refuse my thanks.

Your homework assignments -

1. Notice when you are not listening.
2. Accept gratitude.

Connect with Harry Poliak, Life Coach - http://www.connectedconsciously.com/

Parents by Choice presentation is available to watch here - https://www.justinlmft.com/parentsbychoice

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Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

Many many thanks to Carla-Jo Geraghty, who sets a very high bar for what a Super Fan/Trauma Nerd is!  

Check out more from Carla-Jo:

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Watch the “Safe & Social” music video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ql2TGMRDh7k&feature=youtu.be Miles Irving Website - https://www.milesirving.com/ Forager - https://www.forager.org.uk/wild-food-blog/19-ideas-philosophy/140-worldwild-podcast More Polyvagal Podcast content in the Members' Area - https://www.justinlmft.com/members Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

All about consequences in this episode:

1. Why they are important
2. When they mean nothing
3. Positive consequences vs gift/reward/bribe
4. Natural consequences

Your homework assignment - Plan out your consequence structure and discuss with everyone that needs to be a part of it.

More detailed show notes on justinlmft.com/post/episode28

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Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeat

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Deb Dana - one third of my Polyvagal Trinity. Deb Dana is called "the Pied Piper of the Polyvagal Theory," and honestly someone I want to be like when I grow up. She does the stuff I do, but better and first. I gotta be honest. We talk in depth about:

1. "Story follows State"
2. Climbing the Polyvagal Ladder
3. Diagnosing

DEB DANA - http://www.debdanalcsw.com/

(these next two links will take you to Amazon, where I get a portion of the sale as an Amazon Affiliate.)

The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy - https://amzn.to/3409v8z

Clinical Applications of the Polyvagal Theory - https://amzn.to/322IZK3

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You're not you're diagnosis. It's a label - a shorthand system for professionals to use - to collect "symptoms" that typically occur together. It makes communication among therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists easier. And that's the point of diagnoses. And insurance building.

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