Dear Dr. Tracy

Step moms seem to get a bad rap in movies - even cast in a poor light and labeled "Evil Stepmothers."

In reality, stepmothers are human beings parachuted into co parenting arrangements they had no part in making.

It can feel like fitting a circle peg into a square-shaped hole. You might be told you aren't a 'real' mother and in the same breath criticized for not being involved enough.

No one hands you instructions on how to be a stepmother and there sure isn't a one-size-fits-all approach.

In this episode, I sit down with Jamie Scrimgeour, a Life Coach specializing in Stepfamily Dynamics and the creator of The Exclusive Stepmom Community. We discuss her experience with becoming a stepmother and how her identity has changed since then.

Jamie Scrimgeour is a mom of one and a stepmom of three with kids ranging in ages from 6-18. Jamie creates raw, real, and relatable digital content about all things parenting, step-parenting, entrepreneurship, and living a KICK-ASS Life. She is also the host of The Jamie Scrimgeour Podcast. With candidness and humor, Jamie uses her personal and professional experience to support woman in living their best life. 

In this episode, we discuss the following:

Now it’s your turn! Join me over on Instagram, or leave me a note here about your experience as a step mom.

What’s Coming Next?

My next episode is with Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play, where we will talk all about the mental load and creating balance in your relationship

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"Don't go to bed angry" is probably one of the most common well wishes provided to newly weds during evening toasts and handwritten cards.

But what this misses is that if you are escalated and angry, the last thing you should do is continue to talk about the issue at hand. When both partners are flooded and overwhelmed, this is a recipe for additional hurt words that do not get unheard.

In this episode, I sit down with Greg, co-owner of Integrated Wellness, my business partner, my co-parent, and my partner in life, to discuss some of the common stereotypes, misperceptions and myths in romantic relationships. 

In this episode, we discuss:

- Not going to bed angry and what you can do instead

- Is it love at first sight?

- Are having disagreements dealbreakers?

- Does validating my partner mean they are right?

- "Happy wife, happy life"

- The idea that women should be the ones to stay at home with the kids and how this is a huge myth in our own home

- The stay at home parent isn't really "working"

- Women hold the cards in the relationship to make things work

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"You're young..." "You'll get pregnant again..." "At least you have a healthy child..." "At least you can get pregnant..."

It's estimated that nearly 1 in 4 pregnancies results in a miscarriage. Yet somehow most of us are unaware of how many people we know that have experienced pregnancy loss until we experience one.

Feelings of isolation, self-blame, guilt, and shame can pour in during the aftermath of a loss, however the experience of pregnancy loss is incredibly personal and does not impact two people the same way.

An out of order loss can make it difficult for our support networks to know what we need and what to do, leading to an array of platitudes.

But how do we deal with these feelings and the platitudes?

I sat down with Dr. Jessica Zucker the creator of the #IHadAMisscarriage campaign and the psychologist behind the Instagram account @IHadAMiscarriage. Together we discussed our personal experiences with miscarriage, common themes that show up for mothers after, and the challenges that come with asking for support when a loss has occurred.

Dr. Jessica Zucker is a Los Angeles-based reproductive and maternal mental health psychologist. She specialized in this field long before experiencing a second trimester miscarriage firsthand. She earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, a Master's degree in human development, as well as a Master's degree in public health. Her educational pursuits married with her clinical practice and research have lead her to write extensively on this topic for outlets such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, New York Magazine, and Vogue. Her first book I HAD A MISCARRIAGE: A Memoir, a Movement is available now (Feminist Press + Penguin Random House Audio)

In this episode, we discuss:

Now it’s your turn! Join me over on Instagram, or leave me a note here about your experience with miscarriage.

What’s Coming Next?

My next episode is with a special guest that has changed my world, and we are going to bust through the common relationship myths that couples can fall into.

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Have you ever thought to yourself "are we having enough sex?" or maybe you have fallen into a rut where you can recall step-by-step how each time will go because nothing ever changes.

Could anyone else be feeling this way too?

In most relationship we will find mismatched sex drives, doubts, unspoken desires, and self-esteem issues blending into the bedroom.

Sex is something humans do, but for many women we've been socialized to hate our bodies, minimize our desires, and to not talk with our partners about sex.

I was able to sit down this week with a fellow college, Vanessa Marin, to talk all things about sex and intimacy, like what kind of myths about sex women hold, the role of body confidence in our sexuality, the foundations of desire, and what makes sex great.

Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy. She's here to help you stop feeling embarrassed about sex and start having way more fun in the bedroom.

She has a bachelor's degree in Human Sexuality and Sociology from Brown University, and a master's degree in Counseling Psychology. She writes for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker, and has been featured in over 1,000 times in major publications like O, The Oprah Magazine, Harper's Bazaar, Refinery29, and Real SImple.

Vanessa specializes in online programs that help you transform your sex life from ordinary to extraordinary, all from the comfort and privacy of your own home. Through Courses like The Passion Project: A Couple's Blueprint To Rediscovering Desire And Reigniting The Spark and Finishing School: Learn How To Orgasm and Orgasm With A Partner, she finds immense joy in spreading the message that we all deserve more from our sex lives. 

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Have you ever had someone say to you "I'm sorry about your divorce?" or maybe you've said this to someone.

Is there really something to be sorry for?

"It was a choice I had to make and for other people, who don't understand what it is to be in a bad marriage and how hard it is to get yourself out of it, all they feel for you is sadness."

Sometimes marriages just don't work. Toxic relationships can bring out the worst versions of ourselves and we just know it's time to move on.

Moving on and your relationship with yourself after is what we are talking about in today's podcast episode as I sit with Michelle Dempsey-Multack to talk about divorce.

Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a co-parenting mom, author, divorce coach and certified divorce specialist helping women move on before, during, and after divorce.

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We all know that feeling when someone apologizes but doesn't really apologize. Or what about for ourselves, when we aren't sure we have anything to apologize.

Why is apologizing so hard? What makes a good apology?

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So many women and mothers show up in my office struggling with high expectations and perfectionism. 

The challenge? Life is not perfect. You are not meant to be perfect. There will be mistakes. It is not possible to be the perfect caregiver, partner and individual.  

And even more so? It’s a trait that society places on us.

And it’s not healthy.

Join me as I speak with Dr. Jen Douglas, a clinical assistant professor at Stanford University, licensed psychologist, and mental wellness speaker. She focuses on helping individuals overcome anxiety, perfectionism and trauma which may be holding them back from living their lives in the most full and authentic way.

In this episode, we discuss:

To find our more about Dr. Jen Douglas, visit her on Instagram or check out her Freedom from Perfectionism course.

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One of the biggest struggles being seen with dealing with COVID19?

The uncertainty. 

What does this look like tomorrow? Next month? This winter? 

So it's no wonder that 85% of the women I polled said they were stressed out and experiencing burnout. 

Today, I sit with Dr. Julie Beaulac to talk about how we can calm the F*#$ down by re-tuning our nervous systems. And ultimately, if we can retune our nervous systems, we can master burnout. Dr. Beaulac is a registered psychologist and consultant based in Ottawa, Canada. She is also a mindfulness and yoga teacher and an enthusiast of all things movement and in nature. She works with individuals, groups, and organizations to become more engaged, productive, and happier in their lives. 

In this episode, we discuss:

Grab Dr. Beaulac’s free guide to the 5 QUICK and EASY things you can do right now to find calm. Click here to download. 

Looking for more to tackle burnout? Dr. Beaulac and I have a special BLACK FRIDAY SALE for our e-course Beyond Burnout. Save $100 off with promo code F2020 (because it’s just that kind of year). You can overcome burnout. Click here for more information.

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Take a moment and reflect on the year of 2020. 

Sidenote. It’s already November 3rd!

Did you get all of the projects completed that you wanted to? Make all of the moves you planned to? Start that new workout routine, begin to eat healthier, and find extra time in the day to be with your friends and family? 

Let’s be honest, the answer is probably “no.” 

And you are not alone in that. 

In today’s episode we slow down and talk about the stress of 2020 and how, as a female, this affects your body. And we need to be aware of this! 

Join me and Dr. Sarah Vadeboncoeur as we dive into how the stress of 2020 is affecting your hormones, your sex drive and so many other systems in your body.

Dr. Sarah Vadeboncoeur helps women reboot their thyroid for energy they can count on. She is the owner of Docere Naturopathic Clinic located in the heart of Little Italy in Ottawa and has been working for the past decade to help women who are suffering from fatigue, thyroid conditions and hormone imbalances. Her mission is to help women get back to a healthy, happy, feel-good life. Dr. Sarah believes health is the result of creating new habits, one small step at a time. She helps make lifestyle changes feel possible and enjoyable and she truly believes that coffee, chocolate and wine can be part of a healthy diet.

In this episode, we discuss:

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We all long to know that we matter to the ones we love. We have an innate need for emotional contact and security, and these attachment needs are healthy and adaptive.  

But at times, we question if we are important to our partners or if we matter.

When our attachment figures - our partners - are not reliably accessible and supportive, the ability to securely attach is undermined. Insecurity develops when there are repeated experiences of nonattunement and noncontingent communication, and our partners are repeatedly unavailable and rejecting. How we ask for our needs will depend on our attachment style. When we do not feel secure, we must find other ways to cope with this stress.

How can we cope when we struggle with insecurity? This is exactly what I talk about in this episode. I sit with Elizabeth Earnshaw, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Gottman Therapist. She owns A Better Life Therapy in Philadelphia, PA where she and her colleagues have supported hundreds of couples. Elizabeth also writes and speaks on relationships. She shares many of her insights on her Instagram account, @lizlistens, and within her membership program Love Lessons 365.

In this episode, we discuss:

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