Anxious attachment doesn’t come from the people you date - it comes from the belief that you are not chosen.

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In this episode of the F*CK TRAUMA Podcast, I explain why they’re not choosing you - and why it has far less to do with them than you’ve been led to believe.

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If you keep finding yourself in cycles of anxiety in love, attracting emotionally unavailable partners, or waiting, chasing, and hoping to be chosen, this episode will connect the dots for you.

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SHARE this with your friends also stuck in these cycles

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This is not surface-level dating advice.This is the belief underneath everything.

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I’m breaking down the “not chosen” wound - a subconscious belief formed in childhood that says:

• I’m not a priority• I don’t matter as much as others• Love isn’t safe• I have to earn being chosen

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And how this belief silently shapes your relationships, your attachment patterns, and even who feels “right” to you.

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In this episode, I share:

• Why anxious attachment is rooted in self-concept, not other people

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• How the not chosen belief causes people to pull away, ghost, or say “I’m not ready”

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• Why you end up chasing reassurance, texts, effort, or commitment

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• How “waiting to be chosen” actually creates more rejection

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• Why people who do want to choose you can feel uncomfortable or boring

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• How this wound shows up not just in romantic relationships, but in family, friendships, work, and money

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• The exact shift that changed every relationship in my life - including attracting my fiancé

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I also explain how the Law of Assumption works in relationships, why people are mirrors of your internal beliefs, and why awareness alone is not enough to create lasting change.

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If you’ve ever thought:

“Why does this keep happening to me?”
“Why does it always start well and then fall apart?”
“Why do I feel anxious the moment I care?”

This episode will land deeply.

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And if you’re ready to stop understanding this pattern and actually shift it, I’ve created a new masterclass called From Chasing to Chosen.

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Inside the masterclass, I guide you through reprogramming the not chosen belief at the subconscious and nervous system level, so you’re no longer reacting, spiralling, or self-abandoning in love and instead begin embodying the version of you who expects to be chosen.

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Watch From Chasing to Chosen masterclass

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✨ Next episode: I’ll break down the specific behaviours that show you’re unconsciously waiting to be chosen - even when you think you’re not. Hit FOLLOW so you don't miss it!

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If you’re ready to experience this work directly, explore my masterclasses or my signature program ⁠⁠⁠⁠Anxious to Secure in Love ⁠⁠⁠where The Candice Tamara Secure Method™ is taught in full.

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Free Masterclass: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Becoming Secure You⁠⁠⁠⁠

Signature Program: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Anxious to Secure in Love⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Everyone tells you to “choose yourself.”

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But no one really explains what choosing yourself actually means or how to do it in a way that doesn’t leave you burnt out, overwhelmed, or feeling like you’re doing it wrong.

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In this episode of the F*CK Trauma Podcast, I’m breaking down what choosing you really means, why so many people misunderstand it, and how to start choosing yourself in a way your nervous system can actually hold.

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This episode is especially important if you struggle with anxious attachment, self-abandonment, people-pleasing, burnout, or feeling like you’re constantly pushing yourself from survival.

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Because choosing yourself isn’t about cutting people off, acting unbothered, forcing confidence, or playing it cool.

It’s about building self-trust, internal safety, and boundaries with yourself first - so you stop sabotaging, overriding your body, or abandoning yourself for relationships, goals, or outcomes.

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In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What choosing yourself actually looks like in real life (not the Instagram version)

• The most common ways people misunderstand and get choosing themselves wrong

• Why forcing change, discipline, or “motivation” often leads to burnout and self-sabotage

• How anxious attachment and survival patterns show up when you don’t feel safe with yourself

• Three simple ways to start choosing yourself today by building trust with your body and nervous system

• Why small, consistent actions matter more than intensity, overhauls, or willpower

• How choosing yourself internally changes your relationships externally - without trying to control or chase the outcome

This episode is the foundation.

Before we talk about the chosen wound, anxious attachment patterns in relationships, or why you keep chasing to be chosen, we have to start here - with safety, self-trust, and learning how to stay in relationship with yourself.

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If you’ve ever wondered:

• Why does choosing myself feel so hard?

• Why do I keep abandoning myself for people, goals, or validation?

• Why do I burn out every time I try to change or improve my life?

This episode is for you.

Take the pressure off.
Start where you are.

And learn how choosing yourself actually begins - quietly, gently, and powerfully.

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If you’re ready to experience this work directly, explore my masterclasses or my signature program ⁠⁠⁠Anxious to Secure in Love ⁠⁠where The Candice Tamara Secure Method™ is taught in full.

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Free Masterclass: ⁠⁠⁠Becoming Secure You⁠⁠⁠

Masterclass: ⁠⁠⁠Stop Attracting Avoidants⁠⁠⁠

Masterclass: ⁠⁠⁠Stop Them Pulling Away⁠⁠⁠

Signature Program: ⁠⁠⁠Anxious to Secure in Love⁠⁠⁠

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Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Enjoying the podcast?

Follow for more episodes & please rate your experience on your streaming platform so others can find it! Thank you!

Most people believe anxious attachment is a personality type.

It isn’t.

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In this episode, I reveal the truth almost no one is teaching:.Your anxious attachment style is not who you are - it’s a state created by the assumptions you hold about yourself, love, and your worth..And when you understand that, everything changes.

This is the foundation of The Candice Tamara Secure Method™ - my signature state-based approach that combines subconscious reprogramming, nervous system regulation, identity work, and the Law of Assumption into one cohesive, transformational framework.

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Inside this episode, I take you deep into:

✨ Why anxious attachment isn’t an identity - it’s a conditioned state.✨ How subconscious assumptions become your lived experience.✨ How your nervous system stores old emotional imprints.✨ Why awareness alone isn’t enough to create change.✨ The mechanics of shifting into a secure state.✨ The three pillars of The Candice Tamara Secure Method™: • Belief Reprogramming • Nervous System Regulation • Secure Identity Embodiment.✨ How state-shifts transform your relationships and your life

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This is where psychology meets consciousness.Where the nervous system meets the Law of Assumption.Where you stop trying to “fix” yourself and step into a new state of being.

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Your attachment style was learned.It can be unlearned..And the path back to security is far more powerful and far more possible than you’ve been told.

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If you’re ready to experience this work directly, explore my masterclasses or my signature program ⁠⁠Anxious to Secure in Love ⁠where The Candice Tamara Secure Method™ is taught in full.

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Free Masterclass: ⁠⁠Becoming Secure You⁠⁠

Masterclass: ⁠⁠Stop Attracting Avoidants⁠⁠

Masterclass: ⁠⁠Stop Them Pulling Away⁠⁠

Signature Program: ⁠⁠Anxious to Secure in Love⁠⁠

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Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Enjoying the podcast?

Follow for more episodes & please rate your experience on your streaming platform so others can find it! Thank you!

Are avoidants actually avoidant… or are they reflecting something deeper back to you - especially if you have anxious attachment?

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In today's episode of the F*CK TRAUMA Podcast, I’m breaking down one of the most perspective-shifting teachings you will ever learn about relationships:

Why avoidants show up the way they do, and how the Law of Assumption can transform the dynamic completely.

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Not by chasing.Not by fixing.Not by abandoning yourself.
.But by understanding self-concept, your nervous system, and the inner story that avoidants mirror back to you.

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Inside this episode, you’ll learn:

✨ Why anxious attachers are drawn to avoidants
✨ What the “abandonment mirror” actually is
✨ How your inner assumptions create avoidant patterns
✨ Why avoidant behaviour feels so familiar to your body
✨ How changing your identity changes how THEY show up
✨ How to shift the story of them and the story of you
✨ Embodiment practices to step into secure, chosen energy

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This is the deeper layer behind everything I teach:
You are not powerless in your relationships, and avoidants are not “fixed this way.”

They reflect your inner world and when you shift, they do too.

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If you haven’t listened to these episodes yet, start here:

They’ll give you the perfect foundation for today’s teaching:

🔹 You Can't Change Them Until You Change You (Self-concept & Law of Assumption)

🔹 Transform Your Relationships with the Law of Assumption

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Want to go deeper?

Free Masterclass: ⁠Becoming Secure You⁠

Masterclass: ⁠Stop Attracting Avoidants⁠

Masterclass: ⁠Stop Them Pulling Away⁠

Signature Program: ⁠Anxious to Secure in Love⁠

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Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Enjoying the podcast?

Follow for more episodes & please rate your experience on your streaming platform so others can find it! Thank you!

If you’ve ever tried to “fix” a relationship, change someone’s behaviour, or get consistency from someone who keeps pulling away… this episode will completely shift the way you see love, relationships and attachment.

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In today’s episode, I’m diving deep into self-concept, the Law of Assumption, and how your inner state quietly creates the relationship patterns you keep experiencing - especially if you struggle with anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, or attracting emotionally unavailable partners.

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You’ll learn:

✨ Why you can’t change someone’s behaviour without first changing your own self-concept
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✨ How the Law of Assumption shapes your relationships (even when you don’t realise it)
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✨ Why inconsistency, mixed signals and emotional unavailability keep showing up
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✨ How your nervous system and inner child influence your relationship patterns
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✨ The deeper reason you attract avoidants or hot-and-cold partners
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✨ How to shift into the identity of being chosen, prioritised and emotionally safe
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✨ What happens when you change the story you’re telling about love
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✨ How to use your triggers as data in relationships instead of spiralling into anxiety

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This is the episode that finally helps you understand why the same patterns repeat, why people don’t change when you try to fix them… and how to transform your relationships from the inside out.

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If you’re ready to stop chasing love, stop attracting avoidants, and become the securely-attached version of you who naturally attracts emotional safety and consistent love — this will be life-changing.

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Want to go deeper?

Free Masterclass: Becoming Secure You

Masterclass: Stop Attracting Avoidants

Masterclass: Stop Them Pulling Away

Signature Program: Anxious to Secure in Love

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Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Enjoying the podcast?

Follow for more episodes & please rate your experience on your streaming platform so others can find it! Thank you!

If you have an anxious attachment style or find yourself constantly attracting emotionally unavailable, avoidant, or inconsistent partners, this episode will change everything.

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In this powerful episode, Candice Tamara reveals the real reason you keep repeating the same relationship patterns — and why it’s not about them being avoidant or unavailable, but about the mirror of your own fears, wounds, and self-concept.

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You’ll learn:✨ How your fear of abandonment, rejection, commitment, vulnerability, and being “too much” creates emotional unavailability within yourself.
.✨ Why every partner is a mirror reflecting your beliefs, attachment wounds, and nervous system state — not your worth.
.✨ How to heal anxious attachment patterns at the root so you can finally attract and hold secure, consistent love.
✨ The exact mindset and embodiment shifts Candice used to go from anxious and avoidant dynamics to being securely loved and chosen.

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This episode will help you see relationships differently - not as something happening to you, but as a reflection of what’s ready to be healed within you. When you stop abandoning yourself, you stop attracting people who abandon you.

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Want to go deeper? My masterclass Stop Attracting Avoidants is now live.

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Break the cycle of chasing avoidant, emotionally unavailable love and become the secure version of you who only creates consistent, available relationships.This masterclass works whether single or in a relationship to stop avoidant patterns. 

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here to join Stop Attracting Avoidants now⁠⁠

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Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Enjoying the podcast?

Follow for more episodes & please rate your experience on your streaming platform so others can find it! Thank you!

If you struggle with anxious attachment and relationships that feel like a rollercoaster… this episode will change EVERYTHING.
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Because no matter how hard you try, you can only attract what you believe you deserve and the Law of Assumption shows you exactly how to shift that.

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In this episode, I’m breaking down how your assumptions about love, connection, and self-worth create the relationship dynamics you keep ending up in - even the ones you hate.
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I’ll share the exact mindset and healing shifts that helped me go from anxious and overlooked… to engaged to a secure, loving partner.

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You’ll learn:✨ What the Law of Assumption actually is (beyond the “think positive” stuff)
.✨ How your subconscious beliefs are choosing partners for you
.✨ Why avoidants and pullbacks keep showing up (it’s not your fault)
.✨ How to reprogram your self-concept so secure love becomes your new normal
.✨ The exact approach I’ve used with clients to transform their relationship patterns

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This isn’t spiritual bypassing.
.This is trauma-informed manifestation - for people who grew up in survival mode.

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You are not at the mercy of old patterns or past.
.You can change your assumptions…
.and your entire relationship reality will change with them.

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Want to go deeper? My masterclass Stop Attracting Avoidants is now live.

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Break the cycle of chasing avoidant, emotionally unavailable love and become the secure version of you who only creates consistent, available relationships.This masterclass works whether single or in a relationship to stop avoidant patterns. 

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here to join Stop Attracting Avoidants now⁠

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Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Enjoying the podcast?

Follow for more episodes & please rate your experience on your streaming platform so others can find it! Thank you!

Have you ever noticed that every time you get closer to someone, emotionally or physically - they suddenly pull back?

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If you have an anxious attachment style, it can feel like a nightmare. You start wondering: Did I do something wrong? Were they just avoidant? Did I scare them off?

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In this episode, I’m breaking down the truth about why they pull back after intimacy - and how this pattern has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you, but not in the way you think.

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You’ll learn:
✨ What’s really happening when avoidants distance after intimacy
✨ How your inner state creates that push-pull dynamic
✨ Why anxious attachment gets triggered when things feel good
✨ The mindset shift that stops the cycle - so intimacy brings you closer, not apart

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This one’s raw, honest, and deeply freeing - because once you see that you hold the power to change it, you’ll never fear vulnerability again.

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Want to go deeper? My masterclass Stop Attracting Avoidants is now live.

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Break the cycle of chasing avoidant, emotionally unavailable love and become the secure version of you who only creates consistent, available relationships.
This masterclass works whether single or in a relationship to stop avoidant patterns. 

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⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here to join Stop Attracting Avoidants now

.

Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Enjoying the podcast?

Follow for more episodes & please rate your experience on your streaming platform so others can find it! Thank you!

If you live with anxious attachment, you might think anxiety only shows up in toxic relationships - but it can sabotage healthy love too.

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In this episode, I’m sharing three real moments when my own anxiety tried to push away the secure relationship I’d worked so hard to manifest.

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You’ll learn:
✨ Why certainty and consistency from a partner can actually feel unsafe to an anxious nervous system
.✨ How hyper-independence and fear of losing control can push them away when things get serious
.✨ Why big milestones (moving in, proposals, marriage) can trigger past trauma and make you want to run - even when love is good
.✨ Practical ways to regulate your nervous system, change the story in your head, and stop sabotaging the healthy love you deserve

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If you’re tired of overthinking, pushing good partners away, or testing people to see if they’ll stay - this episode will help you feel safe to receive love without losing yourself.

Want to go deeper?My masterclass Stop Them Pulling Away is now live.

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You’ll learn exactly how to shift the anxious energy that’s subtly pushing people away, so you feel secure, wanted, and deeply met in love.

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⁠⁠⁠Click here to join Stop Them Pulling Away now⁠⁠⁠

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Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠

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Enjoying the podcast?

Follow for more episodes & please rate your experience on your streaming platform so others can find it! Thank you!

Struggling with anxious attachment and tired of avoidants pulling away?

This episode is not what you think. And it’s exactly what you need to hear.

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If you’ve ever spiralled after being ghosted, obsessed over why they suddenly pulled away, or questioned whether you’re too much, this is your wake-up call.

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But be warned:This isn’t the same surface-level advice telling you to “just act cool” or “don’t double text.”

.This is the truth that will set you free.

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In this raw, no-BS episode, I reveal 7 tough truths about avoidants that most people will never tell you - because they haven’t lived it, or they’re still stuck in the same patterns.

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Inside this episode:

• The real reason they pulled away (and how your energy shifted first)

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• Why it’s not about them abandoning you - it’s about you abandoning yourself

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• How anxious attachment manifests as self-rejection, not just “neediness”

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• Why even when you stop texting… you might still be energetically chasing

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• What it actually takes to stop attracting avoidants - for good

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Want to go deeper?My masterclass Stop Them Pulling Away is now live.

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You’ll learn exactly how to shift the anxious energy that’s subtly pushing people away, so you feel secure, wanted, and deeply met in love.

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⁠⁠Click here to join Stop Them Pulling Away now⁠⁠

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Connect with me on Instagram ⁠⁠@candicetamara_⁠⁠

Ways to work with me: ⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠

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Enjoying the podcast?

Follow for more episodes & please rate your experience on your streaming platform so others can find it! Thank you!